I Held My Temper~Progress!

Slowly pulling into my town home complex, I carefully watched for all the little kids playing out front. During the summer they seem to pop out suddenly from behind a parked car with laser swords, baseball bats and gloves, bikes or squirt guns...chasing each other.

As I rounded the corner there was a silver car parked directly in front of my driveway on the wrong side of the rode. The heavy set lady, with her severe blonde bob haircut and floral dress had stopped at the mailbox. I've seen her quite frequently, but she usually is parked in front of the mailbox. She NEVER cracks a smile, just seems to glare at me. I know I should at least make an attempt to say, "Hi," or wave, but the dirty looks she gives me makes me want to smack her (I kid, I kid!) It does make me a little angry, "What's her problem?"

Now, I patiently pull my car to the far right waiting to make a left into my driveway once she moves. She turns her head towards me, squints her eyes, stares at me (I know that she knows I'm waiting for her to move), and continues to stay at the mailbox shuffling through her mail.

I'm so tempted to honk and say something...but I patiently wait. Finally she SLOWLY walks over to her car...looks directly at me and scouls. Nothing...not a "Sorry," not a wave signaling, "Oops, I'm moving...NOTHING but a crusty look! I'm now ready to roll down my window, but I don't (YES, progress with my temper!) Maybe I should say, progress with my "outward" temper, but inside I was seething. It's a hard thing for someone like me, a.k.a. "The Mouth" to keep it shut.

Now she finally gets into her car, wait...wait...wait, yep she proceeds to sit there sifting through her mail. Here's my self conversation, "Now it's on! No, control yourself...don't let her get you worked up and start a huge yelling match...okay Lisa be the bigger person."

I pull up and slightly turn the front of my car towards my driveway, causing her to look up again. I just point at my driveway...not smiling, but not yelling at her either (PROGRESS). She gives me another disgusted look and points forward, as if to say, "Don't you dare try and squeeze your car in front of me because I'm going straight!" Finally she moves!

Wow...that was a HUGE accomplishment for me! I'm proud of myself...BUT my "normal" confrontational temper still has me a little bottled up. I had so many things ready to come gushing out..."the mouth" usually has a mind of it's own and after I'm done giving someone a thrashing I think, "Oh no...that was REALLY mean, I took it too far again!" So I can truly say P R O G R E S S...YAY!

MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME

Middle children often are the forgotten children. This is especially true if the older sibling happens to be the same sex as the middle child. I was a middle child who had an older sister and a younger brother. My sister was the first born so needless to say received tons of attention. By the time I came along, everyone was hoping for a boy, but instead they received me. My younger brother came and everyone was once again excited. I tried in the beginning to get attention but after several failed attempts I just started to act like I didn't want attention. I built a protective barrier around myself. My barrier was a smart mouth, bad temper, and constant back talking and complaining. This was very effective in keeping everyone at a distance. I then told myself that I was rejecting them, not them rejecting me. I think that middle children learn to be independent survivors. All children need love, affection and a feeling of belonging. If you do not receive it, which is very common for the middle child, you go through life distancing yourself from others. As a parent now of a middle child son who has an older and younger brother, I make sure to follow the following steps to help him avoid the same pitfalls of my childhood:

1. Always be affectionate, even if they try to push you away, they really want it!

2. Spend quality alone time with your middle child.

3. Take time to listen to their problems, disappointments, hopes, and dreams.

4. Take an interest in their activities.

5. Tell them that they are important.

6. If they try to distance themselves from you, tell them that you know what they are trying to do and it won’t work because you will love them anyways.

7. Do not point out there bad qualities and ask them why can't they be more like their brother or sister.

8. Do not let them hide behind their sarcasm, anger, or bad attitude. This is just a cover up for a deep longing to be loved!

9. Be patient with them, they are good at controlling situations and lashing out to protect themselves from their self imposed barrier.

10. Last and most important, tell them that you love them, hug them and then when they test your patience, do it again!

The ultimate goal is to raise healthy, happy and well adjusted children. Middle child syndrome is very real and these kids seem to need extra special attention to establish a worthiness of being loved and accepted. Take the extra time needed to care for your forgotten child!