My Baby's Done-Mixed Emotions

Last Saturday ended a family tradition...Elijah (my baby) had his very last Pop Warner Football game. We have been playing in the league for 15 years, my husband and I met and fell in love on that field, all of our kids played and my step-daughter was a cheerleader. We have been doing this for what seems like FOREVER.

Elijah's team made it to the playoffs, lost their first game and went into the loser's bracket. They played their final game at 8:00 p.m. last Saturday. I thought, "It's finally done, no more drama, politics and drama!!" You sports parents know what I'm talking about, half of the parents are living vicariously through their kids, one would think that these kids were in the NFL. I was ready to be done, or so I thought.

As the game was winding down, we were slaughtering the other team...I started to get a little emotional. This is the last time I'm going to watch my baby play youth football, how weird this is! The clock slowly ticked away, the buzzer sounded the final game of my son's Pop Warner career. As they were going to shake hands, I normally wouldn't even pay attention, but I found myself standing alone off to the side, watching and taking in the moment...my baby would now be playing in high school. The final end to a perfect game, the kids pouring the ice cold water in the cooler over the coaches head (who also finished coaching his very last game), laughing, cheering and hugging.

As we were walking away, very quiet, a cheer coach, Amy, came running up to us, hugged us and said, "I can't believe you guys are done! You have been here ever since I started coaching 15 years ago...it's going to be weird next year not having you guys around." That did it for me...I got a little teary eyed, I hid it from my son and husband. As we got into the car, I asked Elijah, "Are you sad that it's over?" He said, "Kind of but I'm ready to play high school." My husband was still quiet, we drove out of the parking lot...honking, waving and saying our final goodbye to our Pop Warner family. I'm shocked that 15 years has gone by SO FAST!
THE MEMORIES

Elijah way back when running strong.

Elijah now...still out running the competition!

One of many touchdowns to come!

The final year...touchdown #???

Sad and Scary Day Yesterday (Part 1 of 2)

I left work yesterday...late again to pick up the kids, but not driving fast like I usually do. Those of you who know me would be amazed how often I drive the speed limit, gas prices and my big gas guzzler has slowed me down. A lady in a blue Expedition was driving next to me, I noticed because every time we pulled up to a red light, she would gun it the second it turned green...I kept looking over because she was acting like she wanted to race...and she was about the same age as me! I guess I probably would have tried to beat her back in the old days when gas was $2.50 (always a little immature I guess.) Oops...I got sidetracked...it's hard to write about yesterdays events!

The lady beat me again, speeding past the kids school, I turned into the parking lot, spotting my two kids standing beside a group of about 20 other kids. All of a sudden I heard a loud chirping noise behind me as I stopped the car. The kids started screaming, "What the HECK!?!" My boys were running inside the crowd towards the street, into the middle of the road...I looked out my rear view window to see them standing in a circle surrounding something, on the ground. I jumped out of my car...worried they would be hit by oncoming traffic. Lying on the ground was a small white dog..the speeding lady had hit him, slowed down, looked in her mirror and sped away...with her child witnessing everything.

The owner of the dog was holding its little head as it laid there breathing hard and looking straight ahead, blinking and silent. It's right hind legs had missing fur and indented where the tire had ran over him. He had a little blood coming out of it's forehead. A neighbor came out with a flat cardboard box and a towel to keep him warm. We slowly scooted him onto the box and carried him onto the sidewalk while the owner ran to get their truck. I was holding the part of the box closest to his head...petting him, trying not to cry, he just kept looking, pleading with his eyes for help. We carefully put him in the back of the truck, they opened the back window to hold him in place as they slowly drove to the vet.

I don't know if he survived...but all night I just kept picturing his eyes and I felt so SAD! How could someone hit a dog and just take off!! What's wrong with people...and in front children!

After I got home the scary part of my day started...(part 2 tomorrow)...

Life Struggles

Today I woke up with a feeling of heaviness. I couldn't quite figure out why, but I just felt kind of down. I started to think about it and then I realized, all of our bills are due and we can't pay them. It is so frustrating to always be behind. My poor husband is working 7 days a week now and picking up evening side work...and we get further behind. I have increased my hours at work and still it's a constant struggle.

My car was due for a smog check and new tags, we took it in and it didn't pass!! So, $560.00 later my car finally passed. Even though it has been a stressful day right from the beginning, I'm trying to stay positive. My car now runs better, the check engine light is off, and hopefully I will get better gas mileage (that's a big hope!)

We are going to head down to the beach to walk Allie so hopefully, watching the sunset, hearing the crashing calmness of the waves and walking will further brighten our mood. I have been trying this positive attitude thing...trying to be grateful for things I DO HAVE, it usually works, so wish me luck as I head to the beach. My next blog should be a little more cheerful...with some beach pictures!

Here are some pictures from our last walk...makes me happy.




Surf City, USA


Allie At The Beach


Huntington Beach Cliffs

My Son Blames Me!

My son Josh, who recently got a DUI, finally contacted me last Thursday and I picked him up at his friends house (they took his license when he was arrested). I was so excited to hear from him! We went and got lunch then he came back to the house. We hung out and talked, he seemed more like his old self. He walked across the street to the grocery store with me, had dinner with the family and even the little kids said, "Wow, Josh talked alot!" Which is unusual, because he never talks to any of us...it's like pulling teeth just to have a conversation.

Today he said he was coming over for dinner, I got really excited again. While I was cooking I asked him if he wanted me to go to court with him on May 28th? He said, "NO, you've babied me my whole life and I'm 19 now and having to learn everything because you never taught me!" I said, "What are you talking about? I taught you how to do your own laundry, showed you how important it is to never give up and always finish what you start. We went and opened a bank account, I tried to teach you how to save, write checks, balance your checkbook, helped you find and purchase a car, showed you how to put gas in it. Taught you right from wrong, and ALWAYS punished you when you made bad choices". He just repeated how much I babied him and now he is having to learn the hard way!

I can tell you right now this statement is coming from his father, (the same guy who has NEVER been a part of his life until he was 18, never paid child support until he turned 16 and then it was whatever he felt like paying, after I spent a week and a half begging for the money). My son spent years crying himself to sleep, while I comforted him because his dad wanted nothing to do with him.

I felt like crying right in the kitchen...it's so hard when you have busted your butt your whole life to make sure that you were raising your kids right and making sure they never did without and then to be blamed for all their problems...while the person who really has caused the mess, (his father) is now the wonderful parent! My son had no BIG problems until he moved in with his alcoholic father who bought it for him and his friends and then partied with them. He let him do whatever he wanted and was a party buddy, NOT A FATHER.

So the minute he is in trouble...IT'S MY FAULT! Wow, it's amazing....how I am the bad one for loving, caring, guiding and disciplining him. It hurts and I hope someday he will realize how much I sacrificed to give him a good, stable, and loving upbringing...I need to go and cry now, thanks for listening, needed to get it all out.

MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME

Middle children often are the forgotten children. This is especially true if the older sibling happens to be the same sex as the middle child. I was a middle child who had an older sister and a younger brother. My sister was the first born so needless to say received tons of attention. By the time I came along, everyone was hoping for a boy, but instead they received me. My younger brother came and everyone was once again excited. I tried in the beginning to get attention but after several failed attempts I just started to act like I didn't want attention. I built a protective barrier around myself. My barrier was a smart mouth, bad temper, and constant back talking and complaining. This was very effective in keeping everyone at a distance. I then told myself that I was rejecting them, not them rejecting me. I think that middle children learn to be independent survivors. All children need love, affection and a feeling of belonging. If you do not receive it, which is very common for the middle child, you go through life distancing yourself from others. As a parent now of a middle child son who has an older and younger brother, I make sure to follow the following steps to help him avoid the same pitfalls of my childhood:

1. Always be affectionate, even if they try to push you away, they really want it!

2. Spend quality alone time with your middle child.

3. Take time to listen to their problems, disappointments, hopes, and dreams.

4. Take an interest in their activities.

5. Tell them that they are important.

6. If they try to distance themselves from you, tell them that you know what they are trying to do and it won’t work because you will love them anyways.

7. Do not point out there bad qualities and ask them why can't they be more like their brother or sister.

8. Do not let them hide behind their sarcasm, anger, or bad attitude. This is just a cover up for a deep longing to be loved!

9. Be patient with them, they are good at controlling situations and lashing out to protect themselves from their self imposed barrier.

10. Last and most important, tell them that you love them, hug them and then when they test your patience, do it again!

The ultimate goal is to raise healthy, happy and well adjusted children. Middle child syndrome is very real and these kids seem to need extra special attention to establish a worthiness of being loved and accepted. Take the extra time needed to care for your forgotten child!