Monday at the Beach

On Monday...a perfect, gorgeous day in Southern California, I went to work and found out one of my bosses was sick and wouldn't be in so I ended up getting the day off. I headed to the beach and spent the day writing and taking pictures.

It's so wonderful to just sit and enjoy nature. Here's some of God's beauty.

This cluster of birds flew in circles & then landed directly in front of me

 

 

 

 

My hubby stopped by to visit me

 

 

BLOOM WHEREVER GOD PLANTS YOU!

Starting Over-Make A U-Turn List

Today I was thinking back on all of my old hopes and dreams. So many things that I thought I would've accomplished by now. It's funny how our dreams as kids often turn into our biggest regrets as adults. I think I can describe most of my life as a U-turn. At first very excited about my new travels...but after a few miles, I stop cold and make my U-turn back to my comfort zone.

Here's my list of U-Turn dream jobs growing up (they would often change with age):

1. Psychologist
2. Professional dancer/dance teacher
3. Author
4. Model
5. Actress
6. Make-up Artist
7. Hairstylist/Beautician
8. Buyer (Fashion Industry)
9. Window Display Artist (Fashion Industry)
10. Invent my own line of skin care.

Now lets see how I thought or talked myself out of each and everyone of my dreams.

Now lets see how I thought or talked myself out of each and everyone of my dreams.

1. Psychologist: That's a lot of schooling, I'm a bad test taker, I'm probably not really smart enough anyway, (never trusted or believed in myself-negative self talk).

2. Professional Dancer/Dance Teacher: I knew I was talented, the Jr. college put me on their traveling dance team without even an audition, but once again...I'm not as good, creative, limber, strong, and dedicated as everyone else, (negative self talk/doubt-fear of failure)

3. Author: I've never taken a formal writing classes. I have a bunch of ideas but it's too hard to sit and write everyday, nobody would publish it anyway, (fear, doubt, insecurity).

4. Model: I received offers to go to Europe, but I never called, fear of rejection. I was afraid I wasn't tall enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, (FEAR).

5. Actress: I was afraid I wouldn't be able to memorize my lines, I thought I would crack and freeze under the pressure, (never the inner self confidence that I portrayed outwardly.)

6. Make-up Artist: I don't have enough time or money now to go to school, (excuses).

7. Hairstylist/Beautician: I went to Cosmetology school, but I had trouble with my pregnancy and had to stop. I only had 2 weeks left. I never went back to finish because I was afraid to take the State exam, (fear of failure.)

8. Buyer (Fashion Industry): I was working for Windsor Fashions and was approached by the Regional Mgr. about an assistant Buyer position that she had available and wanted me to apply for. I told her I couldn't because I wouldn't be able to travel (my son). I really was afraid that I would fail and be sent back to the store, (FEAR).

9. Window Display Artist (Fashion Industry): A year later, while working for Windsor's and doing all of the store wall and floor displays, I was approached by the head of the display department. They had an opening to join the team. I told them, that I would love to, but my car wouldn't make it to all the stores-LA, San Diego, Palm Springs. I didn't trust myself and worried that the managers would complain about my work, (self doubt, fear of failure).

10. Invent my own line of skin care: I never took chemistry and even though I know that the things that I put together and use on my skin works amazing, I wouldn't know where to begin and I would probably get sued anyways, (doubt).

I can't, I can't, I can't...do you see a pattern here? I wonder how many of you go through or have gone through the same things over the years? Maybe not to the extreme that I have, but I'm sure at one time or another you've shied away from a dream due to fear of failure, doubt, insecurity, self pity or a lack of confidence.

I've decided to go after at least one dream on my U-Turn list. My dream of writing a book is finally in the works. I started out by telling myself I would write 30 minutes everyday. This is very difficult for me and I found myself feeling very frustrated when I skipped a day (beginning signs of giving up). I then took the pressure off and said, "As long as I write each week, I'll be on my way."

Positive self talk has also come into play, "Why not you? Several people who have not taken writing classes have published books." This positive self talk takes a lot of work, especially after so many years of negative talk. I CAN and WILL do this.

I want each of you to take time to write a U-Turn list...you can share them with me too if you would like to, I wouldn't feel so alone (LOL). Next, pick just one item off your list, take baby steps and go after a lifelong dream! We can achieve anything we set our minds to, the problem is we defeat ourselves before we even have a chance to fail or succeed. Fulfill your dreams...you're never too old. Don't live with regrets, become who you were meant to be! You can make a U-Turn in the right direction today.

Taking The Step

I finally decided on Sunday to take my first little baby steps, took a few deep breathes, put the pen to the paper, stopped, thought about it again, then I did it! After I wrote it down I turned to my husband and held it up for him to read. He smiled, held his hand up to give me a high five, luckily they were singing so it didn't look too weird. I was still a little leery about what I had just done...but his reaction made me feel better.

It all started after I went to an art showing for one of the investors at my work. He is also friends with the owner's so he comes in quite a bit. He has been doing photography for a while (he is retired, has tons of money and time.) Every time he comes in I pick his brain...I don't have the money or time to take a class so I just bug anybody who has any knowledge!LOL!

He had his photography pictures on display at an art show and me and my boss Marsha went to check it out. It was amazing the way he "painted" the pictures to look like a real painting. I just walked around and got tons of ideas. We talked to him and he said most of the pictures that everyone liked were the one's that he just "winged" it. He said he had no idea what he was doing...he just did it! This really inspired me...I never have any idea what I'm doing either!LOL!

Every Sunday in the announcements they keep asking for photographers, and videographers to volunteer because they need help. Every week I think, "I could do that, I have a pretty good eye, a good camera and I love doing it." Then that old familiar voice, "What are you talking about? You don't know what you're doing...you never took any classes...you'll mess up on something really important and look like an idiot...you can't do that!" That is basically the conversation that goes on in my head, not only in regards to photography, but writing too. The end result is always the same...I do NOTHING!

After the art showing and reading that Ansel Adams never took a photography class...I was truly inspired...I did it!! I wrote my name on that card and put, "I am interested in volunteering as a photographer." Then after church as we were leaving, the Pastor stopped to talk to us and I told him, "If you still need help with photographer's, I can do it." Then I began to explain that I didn't have any training...blah blah blah...went through the whole knocking myself down thing! Why do I do that?! Well we'll see if they actually call, the important thing was I took the first steps to pursue an interest. Next I'll just have to retrain my mouth to stop blabbing about how inadequate and untrained I am!

But back to the positive...I TOOK THE STEP!!WooHoo!!

Bloggerception...

Bloggerception is real and you probably have it too! I used to go through my day on auto pilot. Wake up, shower, throw my makeup on, pull my hair back (if I'm feeling extra spunky, curl it). Grab a quick bowl of oatmeal, eat standing at the sink, toss the bowl in the sink and run out the door. Drive to work, making a mental checklist of all the things that I needed to do. Halfway to work wondering how I got to the freeway, I don't even remember the drive there. Hope I didn't run any red lights...DEFINITE auto pilot! Work, go home, run the kids around, make dinner, sleep and start all over again. That was BEFORE I entered the Blogosphere.

My days are completely different now! I wake up and immediately start to think, "Hmm, what can I Blog about today. I get in the shower, making a mental note of any mishaps, slipping, tripping, no soap, shampoo etc. Everything is a potential story. Putting on my makeup can also be interesting, depending on what happens. Eating and running out the door can be a whole adventure that might be funny. Yes my BLOGGERCEPTION is on HIGH ALERT. Driving to work is no longer, "Who am I and how did I get here?" It's all about stalking, staring and watching everyone and everything...you never want to miss that perfect story (i.e. the guy with the parrots on his fingers as he drove to work).

Yes, before Bloggerception I would have missed this! My perception has increased, making me feel ALIVE, I am no longer, robot lady. Work also is a great adventure, never missing a single thing (and I am not a detail orientated person). Kids, hubby, friends, sisters, parents...no one is off limits to my Bloggerception.

WARNING: You do it, I'll notice, be very careful or you WILL end up a VERY INTERESTING, AMUSING, JUICY little story in my Blogosphere world!!