Sunday, April 13, 2008

Never Daddy's Little Girl

I often wonder what it would be like to have that special relationship that
you often hear daughters have with their fathers. To have them look at you
with pride and admiration, knowing that under any circumstance daddy
will protect them, be there for them and guide them through all their joy,
heartache and tears.

I sometimes sit and watch the little girls at the park with their dads,
beaming from ear to ear as they are pushed back and forth on the swing.
Knowing that as they lunge forward high into the sky….daddy will be
there waiting on their way back down. Laughter echoes across the
park as both father and daughter delight in their time together.

I walk down to the beach and see a dad walking his dog with his
teenage daughter. The outward appearance to a casual onlooker
would show a daughter embarrassed to be seen with her dad,
however I see a very different picture. The father is teasing and
joking with his daughter, tousling her hair as she wrinkles her face,
trying to disguise her obvious delight in her father's playfulness.
The façade she shows the world as she spends quality time with her
dad has now been exposed, as her giggle becomes a boisterous cackle.

High school arrives…dating, driving, prom….I watch as the girls
stand around dressed in their beautiful dresses, hair piled in flowing
ringlets on top of their head. Make up, nails and heels…flashes of light
as the pictures are being snapped one right after another. Each father
holding on tightly to his now grown daughter not wanting to let her
go off with a boy he hardly knows. Looking into their eyes you can
almost hear their thoughts, "Who will protect her if anything goes
wrong". The daughters glow with a radiance of peace, comfort, and
affection, as they enter the limo and look back adoringly at their
devoted fathers.

These are the pictures that are a daily reminder of the relationship,
love and affection that somehow passed me by. I never had those special
moments….that special relationship that every little girl dreams of. Daddy's
little girl is something that somehow jumped past my childhood, teenage
years and adult life, just as a raging forest fire burns hotly through a town
with every house being saved except that one individual home. Everyone
rushes back to see the wonder and amazement of their life and belongings.
As I rush back to stare at the charred, broken and crumbled remains.
I quickly turn to look around in awe at the view around me.
Daddy's little girl is something that will never be for me….but my
life has taught me to take joy in the moments that seem ordinary
to others. A life that will be used to encourage, inspire and lift up
those girls who will never be "daddy's little girl".


Mom said...

This was very touching. I see that when I watch my husband playing with our daughters and wonder, like you, what it must be like to have that. I suppose I will never know...

Anonymous said...

My Sweet Daughter: I know how devastated you are right now. There is nothing more hurtful than knowing you did the very best job possible in raising your children, and then have them accuse you of being the root of all their problems. This attitude comes because of Josh's lack of maturity and unwillingness to accept the consequences of poor choices. I do know how you feel sweetheart, because having had seven children, I too, have been blamed for the problems in some of your lives. I guess,in some respects we feel justified in our actions because "it really isn't my fault because....." As mother's we would love to have our children understand and appreciate the dedication and sacrifices we have made for them, but unfortunately, that usually doesn't come until they become parents themselves, and sometimes, sadly, it never comes. I wish you knew how many, many times I tell people what a wonderful mother you are. I tell them the circumstances in which you were a single mother,living alone, fiercly independent, and completely devoted to raising your sons to be the very best people that they could be. I ALWAYS hold you up as the "ideal" for your siblings (and others)in parenting. Know Lisi, that no matter what Joshy says, you are not at fault. You are hurting, and rightfully so, but I pray that you will be blessed with peace and comfort to know, without question, that you are and have been the best mother any child could be blessed to have. I love you Angel. Keep the faith. Mommy