Making Changes

I've been working on my book for over a year, but still find ways to put off finishing it. It's in the final stages, but for some reason, I just can't get myself to sit down & type it up. I guess I'm old school, I don't have a laptop & prefer to write in a tablet, cross out, re-write, form thoughts & then try to piece it together when I finally type it up later.

Well, it's now later...& I don't want to type!

It seems never ending. My blogging is a quick fix (thought~type~pictures~post)...quick easy & satisfying.

My book, while satisfying during the writing, creative phase, not so much during the organizational part (not my strength...one walk into my bedroom would prove it!)

Now I've gotten to the point where a change needs to be made. The solution, putting self- imposed restrictions on myself: NO BLOG POSTING UNLESS I TYPE ONE PAGE OF MY BOOK.

That's where you all come in, when you see a post, periodically ask me how my typing's going? Between me & you...maybe I can finally accomplish my dream! Thanks for the support~Lord knows I need it!!

Starting Over-Make A U-Turn List

Today I was thinking back on all of my old hopes and dreams. So many things that I thought I would've accomplished by now. It's funny how our dreams as kids often turn into our biggest regrets as adults. I think I can describe most of my life as a U-turn. At first very excited about my new travels...but after a few miles, I stop cold and make my U-turn back to my comfort zone.

Here's my list of U-Turn dream jobs growing up (they would often change with age):

1. Psychologist
2. Professional dancer/dance teacher
3. Author
4. Model
5. Actress
6. Make-up Artist
7. Hairstylist/Beautician
8. Buyer (Fashion Industry)
9. Window Display Artist (Fashion Industry)
10. Invent my own line of skin care.

Now lets see how I thought or talked myself out of each and everyone of my dreams.

Now lets see how I thought or talked myself out of each and everyone of my dreams.

1. Psychologist: That's a lot of schooling, I'm a bad test taker, I'm probably not really smart enough anyway, (never trusted or believed in myself-negative self talk).

2. Professional Dancer/Dance Teacher: I knew I was talented, the Jr. college put me on their traveling dance team without even an audition, but once again...I'm not as good, creative, limber, strong, and dedicated as everyone else, (negative self talk/doubt-fear of failure)

3. Author: I've never taken a formal writing classes. I have a bunch of ideas but it's too hard to sit and write everyday, nobody would publish it anyway, (fear, doubt, insecurity).

4. Model: I received offers to go to Europe, but I never called, fear of rejection. I was afraid I wasn't tall enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, (FEAR).

5. Actress: I was afraid I wouldn't be able to memorize my lines, I thought I would crack and freeze under the pressure, (never the inner self confidence that I portrayed outwardly.)

6. Make-up Artist: I don't have enough time or money now to go to school, (excuses).

7. Hairstylist/Beautician: I went to Cosmetology school, but I had trouble with my pregnancy and had to stop. I only had 2 weeks left. I never went back to finish because I was afraid to take the State exam, (fear of failure.)

8. Buyer (Fashion Industry): I was working for Windsor Fashions and was approached by the Regional Mgr. about an assistant Buyer position that she had available and wanted me to apply for. I told her I couldn't because I wouldn't be able to travel (my son). I really was afraid that I would fail and be sent back to the store, (FEAR).

9. Window Display Artist (Fashion Industry): A year later, while working for Windsor's and doing all of the store wall and floor displays, I was approached by the head of the display department. They had an opening to join the team. I told them, that I would love to, but my car wouldn't make it to all the stores-LA, San Diego, Palm Springs. I didn't trust myself and worried that the managers would complain about my work, (self doubt, fear of failure).

10. Invent my own line of skin care: I never took chemistry and even though I know that the things that I put together and use on my skin works amazing, I wouldn't know where to begin and I would probably get sued anyways, (doubt).

I can't, I can't, I can't...do you see a pattern here? I wonder how many of you go through or have gone through the same things over the years? Maybe not to the extreme that I have, but I'm sure at one time or another you've shied away from a dream due to fear of failure, doubt, insecurity, self pity or a lack of confidence.

I've decided to go after at least one dream on my U-Turn list. My dream of writing a book is finally in the works. I started out by telling myself I would write 30 minutes everyday. This is very difficult for me and I found myself feeling very frustrated when I skipped a day (beginning signs of giving up). I then took the pressure off and said, "As long as I write each week, I'll be on my way."

Positive self talk has also come into play, "Why not you? Several people who have not taken writing classes have published books." This positive self talk takes a lot of work, especially after so many years of negative talk. I CAN and WILL do this.

I want each of you to take time to write a U-Turn list...you can share them with me too if you would like to, I wouldn't feel so alone (LOL). Next, pick just one item off your list, take baby steps and go after a lifelong dream! We can achieve anything we set our minds to, the problem is we defeat ourselves before we even have a chance to fail or succeed. Fulfill your dreams...you're never too old. Don't live with regrets, become who you were meant to be! You can make a U-Turn in the right direction today.