Thursday, January 29, 2009

A Day of Change

I came home from work just as Josh was getting ready to leave for his interview. I had to leave to go to Elijah's basketball game and waited for his call. For those of you who don't know Josh...he is a man of VERY FEW words. It's like pulling teeth to get detailed information. He said that he thought it went well...that's about all I got. I don't want to be a meddling mother so I left it at that.

Thank you all for your prayers...he needs a job so bad! He is really depressed right now, this will help him to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I got home from the game, Jason (my nephew) had just dropped Josh off here. He has nowhere else to go and doesn't want to stay here at all! He was crying and said that he doesn't want to talk to me. He's still angry with me about something that happened a year ago that disrupted my kids lives. His dad continually filled his head with a bunch of negative things about me.

Needless to say, our relationship has been a surface one. He spends time with me but it's usually a little strained. I tried to tell him that we can use this time to get everything in his life straightened out and then he can eventually get an apartment. He is too upset right now...he wants to live at my sisters with his cousin. Luckily my wise brother-in-law put his foot down, (my nephew and son are not good together and bring each other down) he told him he cannot live there and needs to go home to his mom.

We'll see what happens...lots of prayers are needed right now! Change is always hard, but necessary for growth.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Job Interview

We've been sending out Resume's to EVERYONE. You can definitely see how the economy is affecting the available job market. I thought that the lower paying jobs (for kids) would be a little easier to get. Josh has been trying to find a job now for what seems like forever. He finally received a call and has an interview tomorrow at 3:00 p.m. Keep your fingers crossed...he really needs this job! It's right across the street from my house too, which would make it really convenient.

Josh's dad asked him to move out last week. Josh moved in with him when he turned 18. He spent years hurting because his dad never wanted to have a relationship with him. Now his dad and new wife are having a baby and told Josh he needs to find somewhere else to live. He's really upset and angry with him. I think he feels like he is just throwing him away because he has a new family. His dad was a party buddy and not really a parent.

I'm hoping he moves back here...I'm one of those mom's who loves having her kids at home. Most parents say, "I can't wait till they move out!" But I cried for weeks when Josh left. I guess when you have kids they'll always be your babies, even when they grow up.

I need to learn not to be an enabler though...I tend to help Josh a lot because of his ADD. He has definitely gotten better over the years, but I still find myself doing too much for him to try and make things easier. I've learned that I need to step back and let him fail sometimes so he can grow and learn from his mistakes. Even after 20 years of being a mother, I'm still constantly learning and growing. By the time Elijah's 18 I hope I have this whole parenting thing mastered. No wonder grandparents are so awesome with the kids...they've had years to perfect themselves!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Nickelodeon's-BrainSurge Audition Recap


I have to say that the whole audition process wasn't too bad. We went there fully prepared, I had my notepad to write some more pages for my book. My hubby had a book and notepad to do some homework he had from a class he's taking. We had our candy bars and soda...what else could we possibly need?

I couldn't believe how many kids were there from out of state. I guess they all come down here with a parent for "pilot season" (new show audition period), rent a house and then go back home if they don't book a gig. Some of these actor kids were VERY animated...can I say to the point of being annoying without sounding too mean? It's a very different lifestyle that's for sure.

Adam (my step-son) came too and tried out with Elijah. I thought he would light up the stage because he is such a clown. We couldn't believe how different he was in front of the camera...he froze up. That was really unexpected!

I don't know if they'll get it or not, but if we don't hear anything by the end of March (they didn't get it.) Actually, it's no big deal to was just a new and interesting experience. I like I drive my family crazy with all my spur of the moment ideas. You have to have some kind of excitement as you get older, right?!?

My sheltered little Orange County boys didn't care for Melrose Ave. too much. It was late and dark when we got down there. Most of the stores were closed, but there were some freaky people walking around. The kids kept looking over their shoulder a little nervous. Adam had to go to the bathroom and couldn't find a restroom. Anthony decides to take him to this back alley. He starts to pee and then Anthony takes off running...Adam is freaked out and starts running after him, with his pants down still peeing. He ended up getting it all over his pants. We were laughing so hard (mean parents)! That would have been a great funny story to use...if only it had happened before the audition.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Nickelodeon Audition

While searching on Craig's List, looking for a job for Josh. I stumbled across an open casting call for a new Nickelodeon Game Show. It was asking for kids ages 11-14, who are fun, intelligent, talkative and competitive. They said to send pictures...I thought, just like every mom probably thinks, I KNOW my son meets all of those qualifications...and he's cute! I sent in three pictures of Elijah...

and they said, "Come on down"...wait, that's the Price is Right, they said, "Come in for an audition."

Today at 4:00 p.m. Elijah will audition for a new game show called, "BrainSurge." We've never gone to an audition before, but I'm sure there's going to be hundreds of kids there...and mom's who think their son is PERFECT for this. I'm anxious to see if the whole "stage mom" thing is true. I'll just be sitting back laughing and trying to write some more of my book.

Anthony and Adam are coming too and after the audition we are going to go down to Melrose and walk around...the store's there are really cool. I wish we had money to buy stuff, but it'll be fun anyway. It's nice to take our little sheltered Orange County boys down to the big city. I'll let you know how the whole thing goes. Wish him luck!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Starting Over-Make A U-Turn List

Today I was thinking back on all of my old hopes and dreams. So many things that I thought I would've accomplished by now. It's funny how our dreams as kids often turn into our biggest regrets as adults. I think I can describe most of my life as a U-turn. At first very excited about my new travels...but after a few miles, I stop cold and make my U-turn back to my comfort zone.

Here's my list of U-Turn dream jobs growing up (they would often change with age):

1. Psychologist
2. Professional dancer/dance teacher
3. Author
4. Model
5. Actress
6. Make-up Artist
7. Hairstylist/Beautician
8. Buyer (Fashion Industry)
9. Window Display Artist (Fashion Industry)
10. Invent my own line of skin care.

Now lets see how I thought or talked myself out of each and everyone of my dreams.

Now lets see how I thought or talked myself out of each and everyone of my dreams.

1. Psychologist: That's a lot of schooling, I'm a bad test taker, I'm probably not really smart enough anyway, (never trusted or believed in myself-negative self talk).

2. Professional Dancer/Dance Teacher: I knew I was talented, the Jr. college put me on their traveling dance team without even an audition, but once again...I'm not as good, creative, limber, strong, and dedicated as everyone else, (negative self talk/doubt-fear of failure)

3. Author: I've never taken a formal writing classes. I have a bunch of ideas but it's too hard to sit and write everyday, nobody would publish it anyway, (fear, doubt, insecurity).

4. Model: I received offers to go to Europe, but I never called, fear of rejection. I was afraid I wasn't tall enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, (FEAR).

5. Actress: I was afraid I wouldn't be able to memorize my lines, I thought I would crack and freeze under the pressure, (never the inner self confidence that I portrayed outwardly.)

6. Make-up Artist: I don't have enough time or money now to go to school, (excuses).

7. Hairstylist/Beautician: I went to Cosmetology school, but I had trouble with my pregnancy and had to stop. I only had 2 weeks left. I never went back to finish because I was afraid to take the State exam, (fear of failure.)

8. Buyer (Fashion Industry): I was working for Windsor Fashions and was approached by the Regional Mgr. about an assistant Buyer position that she had available and wanted me to apply for. I told her I couldn't because I wouldn't be able to travel (my son). I really was afraid that I would fail and be sent back to the store, (FEAR).

9. Window Display Artist (Fashion Industry): A year later, while working for Windsor's and doing all of the store wall and floor displays, I was approached by the head of the display department. They had an opening to join the team. I told them, that I would love to, but my car wouldn't make it to all the stores-LA, San Diego, Palm Springs. I didn't trust myself and worried that the managers would complain about my work, (self doubt, fear of failure).

10. Invent my own line of skin care: I never took chemistry and even though I know that the things that I put together and use on my skin works amazing, I wouldn't know where to begin and I would probably get sued anyways, (doubt).

I can't, I can't, I can' you see a pattern here? I wonder how many of you go through or have gone through the same things over the years? Maybe not to the extreme that I have, but I'm sure at one time or another you've shied away from a dream due to fear of failure, doubt, insecurity, self pity or a lack of confidence.

I've decided to go after at least one dream on my U-Turn list. My dream of writing a book is finally in the works. I started out by telling myself I would write 30 minutes everyday. This is very difficult for me and I found myself feeling very frustrated when I skipped a day (beginning signs of giving up). I then took the pressure off and said, "As long as I write each week, I'll be on my way."

Positive self talk has also come into play, "Why not you? Several people who have not taken writing classes have published books." This positive self talk takes a lot of work, especially after so many years of negative talk. I CAN and WILL do this.

I want each of you to take time to write a U-Turn can share them with me too if you would like to, I wouldn't feel so alone (LOL). Next, pick just one item off your list, take baby steps and go after a lifelong dream! We can achieve anything we set our minds to, the problem is we defeat ourselves before we even have a chance to fail or succeed. Fulfill your're never too old. Don't live with regrets, become who you were meant to be! You can make a U-Turn in the right direction today.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Friday-I Survived

After Thursday's incident I wasn't looking forward to Friday. I think that has to be a first, who doesn't look forward to Friday? I pulled into the parking lot and didn't see my boss's car. He must've had a meeting this morning, I thought with a quick sigh of relief. I hurried up the stairs (I'm always running's a HUGE problem for me.) I took a deep breath, opened the door and silence. I asked Marsha, "Where is everybody?" Oh, one of them is headed up to Mammoth and the other one is sick today. I only have to deal with the phone calls (much easier than getting ridiculed in person.)

I asked her if he said anything more about the whole box thing, and she said, "He said that he had looked in that office the day before too and never saw the box, either." Hmmm, at least he admitted to something.

He called in and was being really nice.
Boss: Hey, what are you doing?
Me: Oh you and Marsha are just sitting here getting ready to smoke a big fatty and then try to find some more boxes." I couldn't resist...I had to say something because it had bugged me so much that he made me seem like a moron on drugs.

Boss: Excuse me?
Me: Yep...just getting ready to smoke out.

Boss: (Laughing)...Ooohhh okay you girls have fun and whatever you have to do to feel better is fine with me.
Me: (smiling) Okay...let me get Marsha for you.

I usually try to joke about situations when something is tense and uncomfortable. It just seems like making light of everything always makes the situation seem less stressful. It is something I only do in work situations though, at home, everybody just GETS IT from my mouth! But, since I don't want to get fired...I always hold back at work.

Now I'm looking forward to a relaxing, sleep filled (keep your fingers crossed) weekend.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Sleep Deprivation-Am I A Moron?

I'm back to my insomnia thing again! I have been getting in bed at around 2:30 a.m. It's now Thursday and I feel like a zombie, airhead, spacy girl. I can't believe how stupid the lack of sleep can make you feel. Here's a little example of my work day yesterday and today~

Boss- "Lisa, I need you to find a lease and appraisal report for the 1091BeRe job."
Me- " problem." I start looking at all the boxes that are neatly labeled to find the right one. Looking...looking...maybe it's in the extra office. Hmmm...looking...looking, nope. I'll check the bosses office, behind their desks, under their desks, nothing. Now, I KNOW that I had boxed it up a while ago and had even seen it sitting around. Marsha, the office manager starts helping me look too. She double checks all the same places and nothing.

Whew...I was hoping that in my dazed condition that it wasn't just me. So I tell my boss that we can't find it. He gets mad and tells me and Marsha that it has to be somewhere! He wants one of us to go over to the storage unit in the morning to look for it. Marsha thought that he had actually taken the box (he does that sometimes), and asked him to check his car and house for it.

Today, Marsha met him over at the unit and they started re-organizing and getting stuff ready for shredding while they were looking for the missing box. I stayed at the office to label all the year end stuff. I went into the room that we had checked yesterday, and there it was, plain as day. What the heck? I am absolutely positive that it wasn't there yesterday!

I quickly walk over to the phone, pick it up...thinking, here goes, now I get to look like a complete MORON. Marsha answers and I shout, "UH GUESS WHAT? The box is here. I don't know how we could've missed it, it's in huge bold letters and the other boxes aren't!" She yells to my boss to let him know. She said, "He said he wants you to pee in a cup when he gets back." No he wasn't serious, but that's his way of saying...hey dummy!

Now here's the my present sleep deprived condition, I know "maybe" I could have missed it, but the 46 font Bold lettering makes it highly doubtful. But, Marsha double checking also makes me go HMMMMMM, how did the box magically appear? When she got back she thought the same thing..."He found it and put it in there and didn't want to tell us."

On Thursday's I leave work at 1:00pm and he hadn't gotten back into the office before I left. Let's just say I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow! He is going to be making comments all day to try and make me feel stupid. It sucks not being able to say, "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID AND I WANT YOU TO PEE IN A CUP!"

Monday, January 12, 2009


Usually on Sunday at about 4:00 p.m. I start complaining about having to work the next day. So this new year I decided to try and be a little more positive about the dreaded MONDAY. I 'm trying to look at it differently, I thought, "Now I have a whole new week to accomplish things." Looking at Monday with new possibilities made my Sunday night more enjoyable. By the time my alarm went off, I was ready to start my week on a positive note.

I didn't even let the 3 cars that cut me off irritate me. I tried out my new bluetooth (haven't been able to talk while I'm driving because of the hands free law.) I called my husband twice, my kids once (Jullien's home sick today), and the school to excuse an absence. I actually got some things done on my way. By the time I made it to work, there was no stress, anger or aggression. "Wow...this might work," I thought as I sat down at my desk. One of my bosses was a little edgy, but that didn't even get me down. He was yelling about something someone said and I just felt like laughing. Yep, definitely weird...this positive Monday thing might work! Try it next week and see what happens, you might have a great Monday too!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Final Hour

In our final hour of need, God showed up and gave us the miracle that we had been praying for. We have been trying for over six months to get our home loan restructured. All the reply's we received were, "We are reviewing it." We returned home on Sunday, Jan. 4th, from visiting my dad in Utah. A letter was waiting for us stating that they had denied our request. Our home was due to be put up for auction on Jan. 7 @ 9:00 a.m.

I wrote a last resort letter to the Governor and news channels to let them know that Wells Fargo was not willing to help their customers. I decided to look for the CEO of Wells Fargo's email address (knowing that they NEVER post CEO's direct email's). I tried two times...the second time I stumbled across a random web page which stated, "Here are direct email contacts for the CEO and the top Executive Officer's of Wells Fargo." "WOW, now that's weird," I thought. I figured it would probably get rejected but sent it to all of the listed addresses.

I wrote what had transpired over the six month's and that they were our last hope. I said that I hoped they would be an answer to our prayers. Amazingly, it went through!

The next morning at 9:00 a.m., Anthony received a call stating that the the CEO had received the email and wanted to help us. We received the approval and with a 1:00 p.m. Western Union cutoff time...we sent the payment with only minutes to spare.

I want to remind everyone to NEVER give up, God will stretch your faith to the very last minute. I can tell you that he hears, cares and answers our prayers. Continue to have faith no matter how difficult or impossible your situation may seem.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Family Fun Holiday

What a great trip we had! It was amazing getting to be with my family during the holidays. We hung out, teased and made fun of each other, just like when we were growing up. We went down to Thanksgiving Point and drove through the Christmas lights display. My dad and a bunch of the kids sat in the back of the pick up truck with blankets in 18 degree weather! I couldn't take that kind of cold so me and Anthony squeezed into the we are not babies, just Californians!

We all went to the movies and saw Valkyrie . My sisters took me shopping (did I tell you that I HATE to shop) they said it would be a short was only 5 hours!LOL! My dad and all of the older boys went snowboarding. I love to snowboard but Anthony was sick and I didn't want to leave him at home alone, so I stayed home with him. I got bored so I suggested that we go to see the new Brad Pitt movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, we went to see the matinee since it's almost three hours long. I LOVED THIS MOVIE! It touched on all the emotions...definitely must see!

The last couple of nights, we went out to dinner, had an anniversary getaway and then it was time to go. We decided to break up the drive and stayed the night in Las Vegas at the MGM Grand.

We finally got home yesterday, exhausted and needing to rest from all the fun. Then today it was back to the normal schedule...two basketball games for Elijah, Jullien and Dillon. Tomorrow it's back to work, why does vacation only happen once a year...I need to win the lottery...I'm ready for another one!!

Dad Shoveling the Day We Arrived

The Siblings...missing Stacy (couldn't make it) and John

Girls with Dad

The Cousins

Icicle Tree

Tyler's Cabin

Elijah & Josh

April & Tyler

Amy & Ava

Snowball Fight

Scenic Drive Home

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Last Day of Vacation

I've been in Utah for the Holidays...first vacation in 3 years! I can't believe how the time has flown by. We've had such a great time hanging out with everyone, even though we ALL got sick. I was so excited because everyone else got sick and I thought I escaped it. But NOOOO my sickness waited until last night on my 9th year wedding anniversary.

We had booked a room in a hotel up in Park City. Just the two of us on a romantic mountain getaway. We had reservations at a great restaurant and then were planning on going to a jazz club after to ring in the New Year.

I woke up in the morning barely able to move and finally dragged myself out of bed at 12:00 p.m. We got to the hotel, after stopping to get me some cold and flu medicine. We ate a quick dinner at the hotel restaurant (too sick to get dressed up and go anywhere else) and then my romantic evening was spent layed out in my sick bed, while my husband had to make two trips out to the car in the FREEZING weather to get me water bottles! Poor guy, he wasn't to happy...but he always takes care of me.

Today I'm doing much better, and it's a good thing because we have a long drive tomorrow!

I'll post lots of pic after we get home.