WOW...WHERE TO BEGIN-THE ADOPTION?

WOW...where to begin? I guess I'll start here:

First of all, we're on the tail end of ALL the paperwork to finalize the adoption of our foster son, Lil J. We thought we were done raising our "Brady Bunch" family when Elijah (our baby) graduated high school (WOOHOO...US time!) But Jesus had other plans for us. I received an email about a young boy that changed everything. It reached deep down into my core. I was unable to shake it. So, after praying with my hubby for several days, we began to move. We took steps of faith, walking it out and waiting on The Lord's will for our lives, our family's and lil J's. 

His mom was in hospice, dying of breast cancer. He hadn't been placed in a home yet and had been at the large local facility waiting for the right family for 3 months. As we visited with him (getting to know him and him us), I prayed that if The Lord wanted us to have him in our lives, to please let his mom hang on long enough to meet us and know her son would be well taken care of. 

After several visits with lil J, knowing/getting confirmation that he would become our foster son, I asked him if it would be okay to visit his mom so she would know that he would be well taken care of. I just couldn't imagine getting ready to leave this earth and not knowing where my child would end up/who would be taking care of him. He gave his approval (he was 13 at the time). I sat on it for a whole week. I was nervous and knew it would be awkward (Hi, you don't know us but we're going to be raising your son, as you prepare to go to Heaven). 

Finally, after work on a Friday, I KNEW it was the day we HAD to go visit. I bought flowers, took pics of our house, his room, our family, and our dog. The hubby and I headed over to the hospice facility. She looked better than I expected and was sitting up. She was very thin, pale, with long dark hair and big eyes. She was so young...too young to be going through this. We nervously introduced ourselves. She stared intently at us for a few minutes, looking, searching...then told us she was really hot (I'm sure she was just as nervous and uncomfortable as we were). My hubby went out to get her some ice for her ice pack. I stumbled over my words...wanting her to know how we came to this point, standing here in her room-preparing to care for her child. I showed her the pictures and explained each one. She took a long time...as though committing each and every picture to memory. After about 30 minutes of visiting, her mom and aunt came into the room. We introduced ourselves to them and then said our goodbyes (it was about 8:30 p.m.) I mentally made plans to come and visit her in the coming weeks so she could really get to know me. 

The next day, (Saturday, at 12:00 p.m.), as we were driving to go visit lil' J, we received a call that his mom had passed away. I broke down sobbing. I thought we would have more time. She looked like she had more time, I mean, we had just been talking to her...

At her services, her family shared the fact that she had been praying for a good family to take her son. After meeting us, she felt she was finally able to let go of her pain and suffering and go home. I took special note of the date, it was December 7th...the day before my birthday. One mother, handing her heart over to another; her gift to me, her greatest treasure, her child...her son.

After 1 year of being in our family as our foster son...we are now making it permanent. Sometimes children are just meant to be a part of your family. God knows exactly what He's doing. It happened first years ago, when I received my three step-kids to help raise and guide. And now we've been given another son, who was meant to be a part of our lives. As we said, "Yes, LORD, YOUR WILL for our lives," He in turn answered a mother's prayer before she was called home. He is always working, as we learn to let go of our carefully planned lives and give HIM room to work, we find our true purpose and joy...HIS WILL. 

OK BYE!

Today we were driving back from my father in laws house...we did an early Father's Day since they're leaving for a 1 month vacation to Canada. On the drive, my hubby was talking to his son Adam who was sitting in the back seat. He was starting to get a little bugged & flustered with him. When he finished with what he had to say, he said, "OK BYE!" He forgot he wasn't on the phone with him!! LOL...I almost peed my pants!

When I finally stopped laughing I said, "WOW...talk about ADD!"

He said that's nothing, when I ran into the store today, I got in line, put my stuff down & noticed they had juice boxes on sale. Just then the cashier says, "Hi, how are you?" I said, "Hold on!" Then grabbed the juice & came back. She was looking at me a little weird & I realized I told her to "hold on" like I was on the phone with her.

WOW!!hahahha

Time to take away his new IPhone!

Don't Take the Yellow Pill!

Before running out the door with the kids, I grabbed the usual handful of vitamins (Omega 3, Multi-Vitamin, Vitamin C, B-12 and Acaii) I shoved them in my right pocket. Then shaking the bottles again I took out another complete set of the exact same vitamins plus my little yellow pill.

I had a complete emergency hysterectomy at the age of 35. I had endometriosis which had gotten outside of my uterus, wrapped around my intestines and had completely blocked them, hence the daily dose of Premarin 1.25.

I placed my handful into my left pocket. Screaming at the kids to, "HURRY UP or we're going to be late"...we rushed out the door to get them to their hell week football practice.

Now just so you know this is my daily morning routine, nothing out of the ordinary...rush, rush rush, interspersed with yelling. Once inside the car more yelling to, "Jump in and close the door, you can put your shoes on in the car!" Then as we're driving, I reach into my right pocket, pull out the daily vitamins, dividing them up between the boys as I try to navigate around the traffic to get them to practice on time. Then it's straight to work from there.

Once I got to work, I reached into my left pocket to take out my vitamins & pill. Everything was there except my little yellow pill. I didn't think too much of it, I thought maybe it had fallen out or I forgot to put it in my pocket during all the chaos.

After a long day, I picked up the boys, went upstairs, when all of a sudden my 14 year old walked into my room and said, "Mom, what was that yellow pill you gave me this morning?" My mouth dropped open then I quickly asked, "You didn't take it did you?" "Ya, I thought it was potassium since I've been cramping up at football." "OH NO...THAT WAS MY GIRL HORMONE PILL," I replied, quickly running over to the computer in a panic, Googling what effects a hormone pill would have on a teenage boy. His eyes were large, eyebrows raised up in shock, mouth dropped open before he shouted, "I WONT GROW BOOBS WILL I?!!"

Kinda like this!

I said, "I HOPE NOT," trying not to laugh. He sat next to me until we verified that he would be okay. Luckily nothing happens unless you use them over a long period of time, but I felt like the worst mom in the world. Who gives their teenage son female hormone pills? Oh yeah, ME!

I told him, "From now on if there is ever something out of the ordinary...DON'T TAKE IT!"

*********Note to self...SLOW DOWN IN THE MORNING!*********

A Day of Change

I came home from work just as Josh was getting ready to leave for his interview. I had to leave to go to Elijah's basketball game and waited for his call. For those of you who don't know Josh...he is a man of VERY FEW words. It's like pulling teeth to get detailed information. He said that he thought it went well...that's about all I got. I don't want to be a meddling mother so I left it at that.

Thank you all for your prayers...he needs a job so bad! He is really depressed right now, this will help him to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I got home from the game, Jason (my nephew) had just dropped Josh off here. He has nowhere else to go and doesn't want to stay here at all! He was crying and said that he doesn't want to talk to me. He's still angry with me about something that happened a year ago that disrupted my kids lives. His dad continually filled his head with a bunch of negative things about me.

Needless to say, our relationship has been a surface one. He spends time with me but it's usually a little strained. I tried to tell him that we can use this time to get everything in his life straightened out and then he can eventually get an apartment. He is too upset right now...he wants to live at my sisters with his cousin. Luckily my wise brother-in-law put his foot down, (my nephew and son are not good together and bring each other down) he told him he cannot live there and needs to go home to his mom.

We'll see what happens...lots of prayers are needed right now! Change is always hard, but necessary for growth.

COACH MIKE'S FUNERAL

This was a very tough weekend! We had the funeral of our friend Mike Burk, and all the boys decided to go...I was glad because it meant a lot to his wife Karen. I can't began to tell you how heartbreaking it was watching those boys and Karen. The sixteen year old was trying to be strong and not cry. The 14 year old was in tears throughout the whole service and the youngest didn't really understand what was going on...which I think was a nice distraction for Karen.

When we walked up before the service, I waited to give Karen a hug, not knowing what to say but just wanting to let her know I was there for her. She saw me and lunged into my arms. As we hugged she seemed to be hanging on to me as if I were a lifeline...a piece of the life that she and Mike had been a part of for 12 years. Baseball and basketball had brought us together and formed a bond and friendship that had become very special over the years. We held each other tight as she said, "Mike just loved you guys and the boys, thank you so much for being here. It really means a lot to me." Squeezing her tighter and fighting back the tears, "Mike has been an important part our lives. Please know that we are all here for you and the boys. If you need anything you know you can call us!" Jullien was standing behind me, she looked at him, chuckled and said, "Oh Jullien, Mike absolutely ADORED you! You always gave him a hard time but he loved you!" They hugged and laughed.

That comment brought back a whole new flood of memories...Jullien was always a hot head, a perfectionist and competitive to a fault. Mike knew this about him and I think saw a bit of himself in Jullien. As a coach he tried to calm Jullien down if he was having a bad game. He decided to find ways to motivate Jullien...one particularly important game found Mike's team down by quite a few points at halftime. He knew that if he could calm Jullien down and get his head back in the game...they could still win. He went straight to the heart of a teenage boy...he offered him CASH! He said, "I'll give you $1.00 for every basket you make." Jullien's eyes got huge, "Are you serious?" "Yeah..show me what you can do, let's see if we can win this game!"

Jullien's face lit up, a light had been switched on. He gathered the team, and said, "We can take these guys...we're better than them." My son turned into Koby Bryant right there on that basketball court, dribbling, passing, leaping, lay ups, three pointers, even a few allyoops. It was amazing to see, he had a look of determination that I had never seen before. We ended up winning the game by 6 points!

I walked up to Mike after the game and said, "What did you say to him...I've never seen him so intense before?" He just smiled and said, "I just figured out a little trick to motivate him." "Well what is it?" I waited patiently for the magic words that I could use for years to come. He grinned even bigger, "It's a secret!" "C'mon Mike, you have to tell me." "Jullien can tell you later if he wants." I got a little bugged, why wouldn't he tell me...I need to know, it was magical!

We got into the car, my son was beaming! "So, what did Mike say to you?" Waiting, leaning back over the front seat, anxiously holding my breathe for the answer (I'm very competitive too and HAD TO KNOW!) He reached deep into his pocket and pulled out a $20.00 bill. I said, "Where'd you get that?" "That's from Mike, he offered me $1.00 for every basket. So I scored 20 points and he payed me!" I told my husband to stop the car and turn around. Mike was just getting to his car. I told my son to give him back his money. He argued, but he knew I meant business! He got out of the car, head low, moping, and handed Mike the money. "My mom said I have to give this back." He walked Jullien back to the car and said, "We made a deal. He held up his end of the bargain so I need to hold up mine."

That was Mike, motivating, giving, encouraging, stubborn and most of all caring. He would not let this angry, overly aggressive kid get beat by himself. He looked inside, saw his heart and talent and found a way to lift him up and show him his full potential. Mike will truly be missed.

After the service I looked over to see his sixteen year old son standing alone, back away from the crowd of people. Staring blankly at the scene before him. I walked over, hugged him and told him how sorry I was and how much we loved his dad. He seemed numb, void, shocked, disbelief and nothingness...I saw a memory of myself when my brother died. I knew that he would be our mission. His long road ahead will be difficult, he'll need to be encouraged, watched and comforted. We'll stay close and help any way we can...we owe it to Mike. Stepping up in his memory and reaching deep inside to touch HIS children and wife.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever." PSALM 23: 1-6

"Mommy Clicks"

What is up with the "mommy clicks" at sports...are we still in high school? Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. You arrive at your soccer, baseball, football and/or basketball games, scanning the field or court for your girls. You immediately rush over, big hugs...it's been a WHOLE two days since you've seen them! You find the perfect spot making sure to keep a safe distance from any eavesdroppers. Now the fun begins..."WHAT is she wearing? Can you believe she actually said that to me? Who does she think she is...shhh shhh...here she comes. "Oh, hi Mary...what a cute outfit!" Quick sarcastic smirk, glancing at your friends.

Then the conversation moves on to the therapy sessions. "I only wanted to go shopping and Bill told me I spend too much money. We got into a HUGE argument...I told him to sleep on the couch...NICE CATCH JIMMY! What was I saying? Oh yeah, do you think he was being unreasonable? I mean, he knows when I was growing up I never got anything from my parents, so every once in a while I should be allowed to go on a shopping spree." Followed by everyone's input telling you how ridiculous your husband is being.

I think you get the picture...and I am not excluding myself from the "mommy clicks," I have done my share. Now that I'm getting older I guess it gets a little tiring. Which leads me to today's events.

My "clicks" children have all quit football. This season I find myself searching for new friends. I make friends pretty easy, but I very rarely let anyone get past the surface friendship (been burned in the past.) I know most of the moms but not much past, Hi, how are you, stage.

I have to say that today I was happily surprised. My son, had a football passing league today...I got there early and was sitting at the top of the stadium...the younger players mom's came into the stadium and headed right up to where I was sitting. We all sat and talked together, a couple of mom's opened up about some difficult things they have going on in their lives. It's funny...one of the ladies who I thought was a little snobby throughout the years was actually VERY sweet and funny. How often do we judge others by how they look without actually knowing them? I guess it's human nature, but I'm glad that I have been put in this situation...once again forcing me out of my comfort zone!

No more "mommy clicks" for me.....


HANGIN WITH THE GIRLS



JULLIEN'S FOOTBALL PASSING LEAGUE

WHAT HAPPENED?

I sent my 13 year old son on an all expense paid trip to the BAHAMA'S (His friends dad is rich and paid for EVERYTHING, flight too). Well here is how I sent him off.............


and this is how he came home to me 10 days later............



WHAT HAPPENED?

This is a warning to all you parents out there, the BAHAMA's can change your child, you might not be able to recognize them anymore?!?

He had an AWESOME time, stayed at the Atlantis Hotel, went down a water slide tube that went through the middle of a shark tank, but he said they were going about 20 miles an hour and couldn't even see the sharks. He got to do a deep water dolphin swim, they swim alongside them, come up and kiss them and then two dolphins get under each foot and push them around. They went to the 12-17 dance club...haven't been able to get much info out of him yet about the girl situation, but I know his friend Trenton can't keep a secret, so I will pry the info out of him next time I see him. I need to stay on top of all of this stuff...there's a lot of little hussy's out there and I need to protect my baby!LOL! Then he said they hung out at the beach, pool and water slides the rest of the time.

Well I'm definitely happy to have my baby back....I've been converted, now I just have to find a rich friend cuz I'm ready.......

HOT HOT HOT

I live at the beach...which usually never gets above 80 in the summertime and when it does...OH MY GOSH!! This past weekend was miserably hot. We couldn't even stand to be in the house...I think it was in the high 70's inside and we were all sweating, groaning, and arguing (beach communities rarely have air conditioning...the ocean breeze usually works great).

I'm sure all of you having to deal with heat over the 100 degree mark are rolling your eyes right about now...but the way I see it, you guys are used to it. We are actually suffering the most since our bodies have acclimated to the 70 degree mark. You should all feel very sorry for me, LOL!

I came up with one of my famous "spur of the moment plans"...as we walked out the door I sprung it on them. My plan came on Saturday at about 7:00 p.m. We were getting ready to drop my step son, Adam off at an 8th grade graduation party. I told my husband and 16 year old son , Jullien that they should grab their boards and wet suits, after we drop Adam off they can surf and I'll take pictures and walk Allie with my son's girlfriend, Chelsea.

The usual comments, "We can't do that, it's too late. Why didn't you tell us sooner so we could get stuff ready? I'm really tired and it's been a long day! It will be dark before we get there." My reply (which always works), "Stop being so negative, why don't you guys stop griping and try to be a little spontaneous...you're both like little, grouchy old men!" Off they scurried to grab their stuff...I love being a woman, we're soooo good, LOL!

We got to the beach after sitting in tons of traffic along PCH (Pacific Coast Hwy)...more grumbling, "Look at all this traffic, it's gonna be too dark, you and your ideas"...blah blah blah, I swear they are both the biggest complainers! We picked up my sons girlfriend and took the back route to the beach (all the inlander's flock here to get out of the 100 degree temperature that they should be used to)...finally we got there and they paddled out. The wind picked up, the current pulled them so far down the beach that I couldn't even see them...they paddled, paddled and paddled, only catching one wave each. Chelsea and I grabbed our stuff every few minutes, trying to walk as fast as the current pulled them, actually quite a work out in the sand. We tried to get close enough to watch them and take pictures.

My husband was the first one out of the water..."This sucks, I remember why I never surf this spot! My arms are dead, I only caught one wave, I had to hike a mile up the beach to get back to you guys...GREAT idea Lis! Did you even get pictures of the one wave I caught?" I said, "Uh, no but I got a picture of you paddling!LOL!" He didn't find the humor in my comment, I don't get it??? Jullien came in next, he had the exact same comments...hmmm...did they rehearse it in the water?" I told him that I got some awesome paddling shots, to his scrunchy faced comment, "VERY funny mom!"

My husband's paddling perfection!


Jullien's paddle before the pull out (mushy, slow wave )...Look at the form "Paddle Boy"!LOL!

Okay so everyone didn't like this spur of the moment trip, but the water was 70, the beach was 84, I had a good laugh, took some amazing sunset pictures...and got out of my HOT HOT HOT house...hmmm, GREAT DAY FOR ME...YAY for me!!

Jullien and Chelsea

Is This What Heaven Is Like?

God's Beauty



Jullien's Favorite Scripture:

Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)


THE END TO MY PERFECT DAY!

RECIPE FOR A DREAM VACATION (On A Budget)

I was scrambling around when I got home from work, packing, checking my list, looking for the passport, finding the suitcases, packing the snacks, you know...all of the crazy excitement that comes with going on vacation. Ohhhh...the Bahamas, vacation in paradise...snorkeling, swimming with dolphins, and going down the super slide at the Atlantis Hotel. Relaxing under the palm trees, tropical breeze, hammock swaying as you drink your ice cold fruity beverage and read your favorite novel...without a care in the world.

Oops sorry, I was getting a little carried away for a minute...but this is my 13 YEAR OLD SONS VACATION!! Yes, you can tell that I am sooooo jealous! My son just left last night for my dream vacation. I know what your thinking and yes, I am excited for him, BUT....I want to go!



Elijah (my son) has a friend whose dad is pretty wealthy and every year they take him on an all expense paid vacation wherever they happen to be going. Why didn't I ever have friends like that growing up!?! I come from a family of 7 kids, so we never really went anywhere for vacation. Now, here I am with a family of six kids in the same boat. I have become very creative though...here's how it works for all of you STUCK at home.

DREAM VACATION RECIPE

1. Make yourself a big, tall, slushy, ice cold, tropical drink...slice the pineapple and stick it on the rim of your cup. You will need this first to sip on as you complete the rest of the recipe (refill often as needed)

2. Take out some bread, turkey, ham, roast beef, salami, cheese, tomato's, lettuce, pickles and your favorite sandwich spread. Put it all together and set it next to your drink.

3. Go to the fridge, pull out strawberries, grapes, apples, oranges, mango's, papaya's, pineapple, cantaloupe, and watermelon. Cut and slice as needed, put into one bowl.

4. This is the most important part of the recipe...cut a HUGE piece of chocolate cake (if you don't have cake then grab your box of Bon Bon's, Godiva chocolate bar, or brownies) JUST MAKE SURE IT'S REALLY SWEET and CHOCOLATEY ! For those of you allergic to chocolate (poor things) substitute with whatever your weakness is...remember, this is YOUR vacation, you can work it off when you get back.

5. This part of the recipe can be a little tricky...put all of your items on a tray and head over to your computer. CAREFULLY place all of the items around your desk...a spill or mishap can ruin your whole vacation so BE CAREFUL.

6. Go IMMEDIATELY to your room throw on your most comfortable lounging around shorts, tank top, loose fitting dress...whatever you wear to relax in. Grab the fan in your room and quickly return to your desk.

7. Turn on your fan, sit down, grab your drink, take a big sip (remember, no gulping...it's your vacation), turn on your computer, go to your Blog page. Once you've arrived, click Next Blog at the top of your screen.

8. While your computer is thinking, take a bite of your sandwich, and grab a piece of fruit. The fan should now be supplying a perfect, light, relaxing breeze.

9. When the first picture appears, scroll down, there will be more. If you happen to arrive at an undesirable vacation spot, or heaven forbid a work site...simple jump to another destination by hitting "Next Blog" at the top of the screen. Often times you will not be able to read about the spot you have arrived at due to a language barrier...DO NOT get frustrated...you're on vacation for the scenery, relaxation and beauty. Be sure to continually enjoy the feast before you (no worrying about calories remember...V A C A T I O N).

10. You have now arrived at your DREAM VACATION...the Bahamas, Tahiti, Costa Rica, Brazil, Australia, Italy, Paris, Switzerland...remember your trip will not be complete until you bite into your sweet, smooth, rich, heavenly CHOCOLATE!! Yes...now you've arrived...and what an amazing place to be. RELAX, EAT and ENJOY!!



























Awwwwe VACATION!?!?!

I Went To The Police

I went to the police to report the incident from my previous Blog...I was a little leery due to the fact that I didn't have a license plate number. My son and I went in and I started to tell one officer...but he looked disinterested and kept looking at the clock over my head. I was halfway through my story (which I don't think he even heard)...when all of a sudden he said, "My shifts over, please have a seat and someone will be down in a minute to hear your story." At this point I'm feeling a little stupid, but I'm determined to have someone listen...hoping to save a child from a possible kidnap attempt.

The next guy starts listening to my story and then proceeds to start looking directly behind me...I turned around to see if the clock was mesmerizing him too. A guy with long, bushy black hair, was walking toward the bathroom. Knowing that he wasn't listening, I just stopped and said, "Do you need to go check out the situation or something?" He goes, "Uh no, go ahead." As I tried to get the point across that the men were targeting my son...he kept trying to make it about me. He said,"You need to make sure you carry your cell phone, don't jog alone, be aware of your surroundings, and get a license plate number." I said, "I know all of that, but they weren't after me, they were after my son and I'm worried that they might try to take other children."

He said, "Give me a description of the cars and when I'm out on the streets tonight I will be on the lookout." I told him, "It was two Hispanic men, one in his late 40's to early 50's the other was younger in his 20's or 30's. The older man was driving a light metallic gold Honda accord, a late 90's model. The younger guy was in a white old Chevy van with different color stripes on it." He said, "Okay, thanks, and what's your name?" I told him and left...he never wrote anything down or took a report.

I felt pretty frustrated as I left, he just didn't seem to get the fact that they were targeting my son and not me. On a positive note...I've eased my conscious and at least tried to get a warning out to the community.

My Son Blames Me!

My son Josh, who recently got a DUI, finally contacted me last Thursday and I picked him up at his friends house (they took his license when he was arrested). I was so excited to hear from him! We went and got lunch then he came back to the house. We hung out and talked, he seemed more like his old self. He walked across the street to the grocery store with me, had dinner with the family and even the little kids said, "Wow, Josh talked alot!" Which is unusual, because he never talks to any of us...it's like pulling teeth just to have a conversation.

Today he said he was coming over for dinner, I got really excited again. While I was cooking I asked him if he wanted me to go to court with him on May 28th? He said, "NO, you've babied me my whole life and I'm 19 now and having to learn everything because you never taught me!" I said, "What are you talking about? I taught you how to do your own laundry, showed you how important it is to never give up and always finish what you start. We went and opened a bank account, I tried to teach you how to save, write checks, balance your checkbook, helped you find and purchase a car, showed you how to put gas in it. Taught you right from wrong, and ALWAYS punished you when you made bad choices". He just repeated how much I babied him and now he is having to learn the hard way!

I can tell you right now this statement is coming from his father, (the same guy who has NEVER been a part of his life until he was 18, never paid child support until he turned 16 and then it was whatever he felt like paying, after I spent a week and a half begging for the money). My son spent years crying himself to sleep, while I comforted him because his dad wanted nothing to do with him.

I felt like crying right in the kitchen...it's so hard when you have busted your butt your whole life to make sure that you were raising your kids right and making sure they never did without and then to be blamed for all their problems...while the person who really has caused the mess, (his father) is now the wonderful parent! My son had no BIG problems until he moved in with his alcoholic father who bought it for him and his friends and then partied with them. He let him do whatever he wanted and was a party buddy, NOT A FATHER.

So the minute he is in trouble...IT'S MY FAULT! Wow, it's amazing....how I am the bad one for loving, caring, guiding and disciplining him. It hurts and I hope someday he will realize how much I sacrificed to give him a good, stable, and loving upbringing...I need to go and cry now, thanks for listening, needed to get it all out.