Adoption Road

Whew! It’s been forever since I’ve posted. I think I’ve let social media consume me, posting all my pics and stories there. But tonight, as I sat struggling with some family issues, I realized my blog offered a whole other outlet. It’s more like a diary of sorts.

So here goes:
Dear Diary,
I have a heavy heart. Our adopted son is in a season of struggling. To be honest I shouldn’t be surprised, it was bound to happen at some point, right? It’s just strange because everything’s been going relatively smoothly the past 5 years since he came into our lives at the age of 12. Obviously there’s been some hiccups and issues to work through, but I thought at 17...we’d made it through any seasons of major trials.

Well I was wrong. We’re in the thick of it. And when things begin to unravel in your child’s life, you begin to wonder,
“Where did I go wrong?”
“What did I or didn’t I do?”
“Have I failed him in an area?”
“Did I not show enough love or spend enough time?”
You get the point, I can go on for days about the different thoughts and feelings that run through my mind.

So tonight as we sat and talked at dinner, I decided to ask him. I wanted to know if I’ve failed him in some way, if there’s something he needs that I’m not doing. What can I do to make things better? I let him know that I wanted to apologize if I have let him down, because as a parent, I’m not perfect and make mistakes too.
He didn’t tell me anything specific that I’d done wrong, but that conversation opened up the flood gates. It allowed him to feel safe enough to let out some very difficult personal things (he had a very rough childhood and had been in and out of the foster care system). The things he shared made me realize that he needs more help than I can offer.
And that’s okay.
I can’t be all.
I can’t do all.
And I need to remember...it’s not all about me anyways.
But with the information he provided, I can do something to get him to the right people who can help. I can lift him up to The LORD in prayer daily.

My son has had it rough. And while I’ve only had him for a short period of time, relatively speaking, I can’t magically erase the past for him (while I wish I could).  So I’m thankful The LORD helped my normally closed off, reclusive son, open up  (because you know I was silently praying for help to say the right things and ask the right questions.)
Adoption isn’t always smooth and easy. The trials and baggage that come along with these precious children can be difficult. But through it all, nothing is more gratifying than sharing your life and love with a child GOD has placed in your care.

It’s going to be okay...GOD is in the business of moving  mountains of impossible.

WOW...WHERE TO BEGIN-THE ADOPTION?

WOW...where to begin? I guess I'll start here:

First of all, we're on the tail end of ALL the paperwork to finalize the adoption of our foster son, Lil J. We thought we were done raising our "Brady Bunch" family when Elijah (our baby) graduated high school (WOOHOO...US time!) But Jesus had other plans for us. I received an email about a young boy that changed everything. It reached deep down into my core. I was unable to shake it. So, after praying with my hubby for several days, we began to move. We took steps of faith, walking it out and waiting on The Lord's will for our lives, our family's and lil J's. 

His mom was in hospice, dying of breast cancer. He hadn't been placed in a home yet and had been at the large local facility waiting for the right family for 3 months. As we visited with him (getting to know him and him us), I prayed that if The Lord wanted us to have him in our lives, to please let his mom hang on long enough to meet us and know her son would be well taken care of. 

After several visits with lil J, knowing/getting confirmation that he would become our foster son, I asked him if it would be okay to visit his mom so she would know that he would be well taken care of. I just couldn't imagine getting ready to leave this earth and not knowing where my child would end up/who would be taking care of him. He gave his approval (he was 13 at the time). I sat on it for a whole week. I was nervous and knew it would be awkward (Hi, you don't know us but we're going to be raising your son, as you prepare to go to Heaven). 

Finally, after work on a Friday, I KNEW it was the day we HAD to go visit. I bought flowers, took pics of our house, his room, our family, and our dog. The hubby and I headed over to the hospice facility. She looked better than I expected and was sitting up. She was very thin, pale, with long dark hair and big eyes. She was so young...too young to be going through this. We nervously introduced ourselves. She stared intently at us for a few minutes, looking, searching...then told us she was really hot (I'm sure she was just as nervous and uncomfortable as we were). My hubby went out to get her some ice for her ice pack. I stumbled over my words...wanting her to know how we came to this point, standing here in her room-preparing to care for her child. I showed her the pictures and explained each one. She took a long time...as though committing each and every picture to memory. After about 30 minutes of visiting, her mom and aunt came into the room. We introduced ourselves to them and then said our goodbyes (it was about 8:30 p.m.) I mentally made plans to come and visit her in the coming weeks so she could really get to know me. 

The next day, (Saturday, at 12:00 p.m.), as we were driving to go visit lil' J, we received a call that his mom had passed away. I broke down sobbing. I thought we would have more time. She looked like she had more time, I mean, we had just been talking to her...

At her services, her family shared the fact that she had been praying for a good family to take her son. After meeting us, she felt she was finally able to let go of her pain and suffering and go home. I took special note of the date, it was December 7th...the day before my birthday. One mother, handing her heart over to another; her gift to me, her greatest treasure, her child...her son.

After 1 year of being in our family as our foster son...we are now making it permanent. Sometimes children are just meant to be a part of your family. God knows exactly what He's doing. It happened first years ago, when I received my three step-kids to help raise and guide. And now we've been given another son, who was meant to be a part of our lives. As we said, "Yes, LORD, YOUR WILL for our lives," He in turn answered a mother's prayer before she was called home. He is always working, as we learn to let go of our carefully planned lives and give HIM room to work, we find our true purpose and joy...HIS WILL.