WOW...WHERE TO BEGIN-THE ADOPTION?

WOW...where to begin? I guess I'll start here:

First of all, we're on the tail end of ALL the paperwork to finalize the adoption of our foster son, Lil J. We thought we were done raising our "Brady Bunch" family when Elijah (our baby) graduated high school (WOOHOO...US time!) But Jesus had other plans for us. I received an email about a young boy that changed everything. It reached deep down into my core. I was unable to shake it. So, after praying with my hubby for several days, we began to move. We took steps of faith, walking it out and waiting on The Lord's will for our lives, our family's and lil J's. 

His mom was in hospice, dying of breast cancer. He hadn't been placed in a home yet and had been at the large local facility waiting for the right family for 3 months. As we visited with him (getting to know him and him us), I prayed that if The Lord wanted us to have him in our lives, to please let his mom hang on long enough to meet us and know her son would be well taken care of. 

After several visits with lil J, knowing/getting confirmation that he would become our foster son, I asked him if it would be okay to visit his mom so she would know that he would be well taken care of. I just couldn't imagine getting ready to leave this earth and not knowing where my child would end up/who would be taking care of him. He gave his approval (he was 13 at the time). I sat on it for a whole week. I was nervous and knew it would be awkward (Hi, you don't know us but we're going to be raising your son, as you prepare to go to Heaven). 

Finally, after work on a Friday, I KNEW it was the day we HAD to go visit. I bought flowers, took pics of our house, his room, our family, and our dog. The hubby and I headed over to the hospice facility. She looked better than I expected and was sitting up. She was very thin, pale, with long dark hair and big eyes. She was so young...too young to be going through this. We nervously introduced ourselves. She stared intently at us for a few minutes, looking, searching...then told us she was really hot (I'm sure she was just as nervous and uncomfortable as we were). My hubby went out to get her some ice for her ice pack. I stumbled over my words...wanting her to know how we came to this point, standing here in her room-preparing to care for her child. I showed her the pictures and explained each one. She took a long time...as though committing each and every picture to memory. After about 30 minutes of visiting, her mom and aunt came into the room. We introduced ourselves to them and then said our goodbyes (it was about 8:30 p.m.) I mentally made plans to come and visit her in the coming weeks so she could really get to know me. 

The next day, (Saturday, at 12:00 p.m.), as we were driving to go visit lil' J, we received a call that his mom had passed away. I broke down sobbing. I thought we would have more time. She looked like she had more time, I mean, we had just been talking to her...

At her services, her family shared the fact that she had been praying for a good family to take her son. After meeting us, she felt she was finally able to let go of her pain and suffering and go home. I took special note of the date, it was December 7th...the day before my birthday. One mother, handing her heart over to another; her gift to me, her greatest treasure, her child...her son.

After 1 year of being in our family as our foster son...we are now making it permanent. Sometimes children are just meant to be a part of your family. God knows exactly what He's doing. It happened first years ago, when I received my three step-kids to help raise and guide. And now we've been given another son, who was meant to be a part of our lives. As we said, "Yes, LORD, YOUR WILL for our lives," He in turn answered a mother's prayer before she was called home. He is always working, as we learn to let go of our carefully planned lives and give HIM room to work, we find our true purpose and joy...HIS WILL. 

Part II

The same day as my accident I had to go for a mammogram/ultrasound. I've been having some pain and it's been two years (I know, I know-not good.)

They found two cysts & then called the Dr. in to check it out & do an additional ultrasound. As I layed there, I prayed & thought, "Oh my gosh, please don't let it be breast cancer."

Finally she said, "It's benign. We will see you back next year."

TWO miracles in one day...how lucky can a girl be?

I know I've spent years trying to control everything in my life. So what's a girl to do when things start spinning out of control? Pray, Pray Pray!

Remember to count your blessings each day because you never know when things can spin out of control.

I'm one grateful person!

WHEW...Breathe

Breathe...

Okay, so I feel like I've been on fast forward ever since I got back from vacation. It sure is hard trying to get back into the swing of things again, not to mention having to drive to LA two days in a row to take Jullien to castings before he heads back to NY.

On Monday I got a bit of bad news. I'm an independent contractor & I work for an accountant on Mondays & a Commercial Real Estate Development Co., Tuesday-Friday. When I walked in my boss told me that she had lost hours on one of her BIG clients so she longer needed me.

SIGH...

Breathe...

At first my brain was spinning, trying to think of what to do to make up the $$.

Then after praying...I felt at peace. The first thought that came into my mind was "When one door closes, another one opens." This has been true my entire life.

Then my next thought was, maybe this is happening so I can use that day to finish my book, (which I've set a goal to have it done by Dec.) but with my schedule, there's no way I could've ever accomplished that.

We'll buckle down even tighter on the $$ and make it work, and I'll bust my butt to spend Mondays ONLY on writing!

WHEW...Breathe...Blessings come in all kinds of disguises!

Wrestling With Why

It's been a long time since I let so many days go by without updating my Blog. I somehow found myself in a rut. Usually my Blog & writing is my escape. But following the death of my friends two boys, Zach & Drake, I found myself just at a complete loss for words.

Anything that I could write about was just so trivial in comparison. So I just stayed away, trying to deal with it by reading my Bible a lot, hoping to find an answer to "WHY could this happen to this family?" They have been through so much.

The dad, Steve, almost died in 2000.

It started out as just a normal day. He went to a pizza party, got a mug of beer from the tap and drank it.

All restaurants have someone come in & clean out the drink lines with chemicals. The person who had cleaned out the lines on this particular day didn't drain out all of the cleaning fluid.

Steve ingested all of the remaining chemicals. It instantly ate away his esophagus. He dropped to the ground grasping his throat as his oldest son Steven looked on in horror.

Steve was in ICU for months. No one ever expected him to live. They eventually manufactured an esophagus from his intestines. He was a miracle.

At his sons funeral he recalled that he told himself he had to pull through, his boys needed him & he refused to leave them.

From that point on, his life changed. He could never sleep lying down, he had to be completely upright. If he bent over after eating, all of his food would fall out. He went from a healthy 220 lb. man to about 135 lbs.

The stress of this event, eventually took its toll on his marriage. He divorced and raised his three boys on his own.

Both Steve & Steven spoke at Drakes funeral. It was incredible. His inner strength and love for his boys was evident to all who attended. He said he didn't know why so much has happened to his family, but wanted to encourage everyone to continually show and tell their kids, spouses, parents and the people in their life that they love them. Look them in the eye, not a text or a phone call, but TELL them face to face. Stop what your doing everyday in your busy life and spend time with your kids/family members. You never know how much time you have with them. MAKE EVERYDAY COUNT.

As I sat listening to him, I couldn't help but think about how caught up I get in little everyday tasks. I get flustered, stressed & find myself sitting behind the computer, isolating to escape. I needed to hear that, I need to make more time for my family. I need to write when everyone is at their activities so that I will be able to be there emotionally for them.

As I was praying & reading the Bible, I realized that God knows exactly how Steve feels. He too lost his son. He had to witness his son, Jesus Christ, in unbearable pain & suffering.

When things like this happen, and the question is WHY...the only one who truly knows the answer & can help in your pain & suffering is God.

What an incredible man...I pray for him, His fiance Shannon, his son Steven and Venus daily.

Be sure to count your blessings & look for the good in your life everyday!

Street Dancers Perform?

My husband and I decided to spend a quiet day at the beach on Sunday after church. We walked down Main Street, ate lunch and then headed to the pier and sat down on a bench overlooking the ocean. We were spending some much needed alone time, watching the surfers, talking and just hanging out. A team of street dancers walked up and told everyone who was sitting around to please hang out because they would be performing shortly.

We both love watching any type of dance...but especially street dancing (it takes us back to the 80's, you know OLD SCHOOL). They began their preparation to perform. They stretched, did hand stands to strengthen their arms, several hard balancing moves, more stretches and then put on protective padding. This continued for about 30 minutes. We could tell that they were very talented as one of them ran up the side of a pole and did a back flip off of it.


The crowd was becoming restless with anticipation. Finally they were ready to perform. A lifeguard pulled up at the exact moment they were going to start and asked them for their permit to perform. They didn't have one...they scrambled around nervously for a while, but...it was over. We all walked away feeling let down. Sitting their waiting through all of their preparation for NOTHING!

Do you think God sometimes feels the same way? He begins to shape and mold us, using the hard times in our life to help us grow. Years and years of preparation. Getting us ready for all the blessings He intends for us. He waits patiently, day by day, trial by trial, as we slowly began to take shape. Finally when we're almost there...we become discouraged and quit. We feel that we don't have a permit to perform the way that God wants us to. We don't feel qualified. We are fearful and forget that he has been stretching us through hard times, strengthening us through his word and supplying us with protective padding through prayer and our Savior, Jesus Christ. Don't stop before you achieve your ultimate purpose! He is waiting with loving anticipation...for us to be stretched enough to be able to display our GIFTS to the world.

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground." Psalm 143:8, 10