Wrestling With Why

It's been a long time since I let so many days go by without updating my Blog. I somehow found myself in a rut. Usually my Blog & writing is my escape. But following the death of my friends two boys, Zach & Drake, I found myself just at a complete loss for words.

Anything that I could write about was just so trivial in comparison. So I just stayed away, trying to deal with it by reading my Bible a lot, hoping to find an answer to "WHY could this happen to this family?" They have been through so much.

The dad, Steve, almost died in 2000.

It started out as just a normal day. He went to a pizza party, got a mug of beer from the tap and drank it.

All restaurants have someone come in & clean out the drink lines with chemicals. The person who had cleaned out the lines on this particular day didn't drain out all of the cleaning fluid.

Steve ingested all of the remaining chemicals. It instantly ate away his esophagus. He dropped to the ground grasping his throat as his oldest son Steven looked on in horror.

Steve was in ICU for months. No one ever expected him to live. They eventually manufactured an esophagus from his intestines. He was a miracle.

At his sons funeral he recalled that he told himself he had to pull through, his boys needed him & he refused to leave them.

From that point on, his life changed. He could never sleep lying down, he had to be completely upright. If he bent over after eating, all of his food would fall out. He went from a healthy 220 lb. man to about 135 lbs.

The stress of this event, eventually took its toll on his marriage. He divorced and raised his three boys on his own.

Both Steve & Steven spoke at Drakes funeral. It was incredible. His inner strength and love for his boys was evident to all who attended. He said he didn't know why so much has happened to his family, but wanted to encourage everyone to continually show and tell their kids, spouses, parents and the people in their life that they love them. Look them in the eye, not a text or a phone call, but TELL them face to face. Stop what your doing everyday in your busy life and spend time with your kids/family members. You never know how much time you have with them. MAKE EVERYDAY COUNT.

As I sat listening to him, I couldn't help but think about how caught up I get in little everyday tasks. I get flustered, stressed & find myself sitting behind the computer, isolating to escape. I needed to hear that, I need to make more time for my family. I need to write when everyone is at their activities so that I will be able to be there emotionally for them.

As I was praying & reading the Bible, I realized that God knows exactly how Steve feels. He too lost his son. He had to witness his son, Jesus Christ, in unbearable pain & suffering.

When things like this happen, and the question is WHY...the only one who truly knows the answer & can help in your pain & suffering is God.

What an incredible man...I pray for him, His fiance Shannon, his son Steven and Venus daily.

Be sure to count your blessings & look for the good in your life everyday!

I Held My Temper~Progress!

Slowly pulling into my town home complex, I carefully watched for all the little kids playing out front. During the summer they seem to pop out suddenly from behind a parked car with laser swords, baseball bats and gloves, bikes or squirt guns...chasing each other.

As I rounded the corner there was a silver car parked directly in front of my driveway on the wrong side of the rode. The heavy set lady, with her severe blonde bob haircut and floral dress had stopped at the mailbox. I've seen her quite frequently, but she usually is parked in front of the mailbox. She NEVER cracks a smile, just seems to glare at me. I know I should at least make an attempt to say, "Hi," or wave, but the dirty looks she gives me makes me want to smack her (I kid, I kid!) It does make me a little angry, "What's her problem?"

Now, I patiently pull my car to the far right waiting to make a left into my driveway once she moves. She turns her head towards me, squints her eyes, stares at me (I know that she knows I'm waiting for her to move), and continues to stay at the mailbox shuffling through her mail.

I'm so tempted to honk and say something...but I patiently wait. Finally she SLOWLY walks over to her car...looks directly at me and scouls. Nothing...not a "Sorry," not a wave signaling, "Oops, I'm moving...NOTHING but a crusty look! I'm now ready to roll down my window, but I don't (YES, progress with my temper!) Maybe I should say, progress with my "outward" temper, but inside I was seething. It's a hard thing for someone like me, a.k.a. "The Mouth" to keep it shut.

Now she finally gets into her car, wait...wait...wait, yep she proceeds to sit there sifting through her mail. Here's my self conversation, "Now it's on! No, control yourself...don't let her get you worked up and start a huge yelling match...okay Lisa be the bigger person."

I pull up and slightly turn the front of my car towards my driveway, causing her to look up again. I just point at my driveway...not smiling, but not yelling at her either (PROGRESS). She gives me another disgusted look and points forward, as if to say, "Don't you dare try and squeeze your car in front of me because I'm going straight!" Finally she moves!

Wow...that was a HUGE accomplishment for me! I'm proud of myself...BUT my "normal" confrontational temper still has me a little bottled up. I had so many things ready to come gushing out..."the mouth" usually has a mind of it's own and after I'm done giving someone a thrashing I think, "Oh no...that was REALLY mean, I took it too far again!" So I can truly say P R O G R E S S...YAY!