ADOPTION-THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED

It's been a while since I've posted. In my last post I talked about the struggle of adoption and the unfortunate baggage carried. It's truly heartbreaking to watch the regression, especially when you know the majority of his problems stem from an abusive parent, making it all the more difficult.

As my son began his Senior year of high school last week, the customary 1st day picture revealed his smiling face, but that grin never reached his eyes...because he still isn't happy. He's been seeing a Psychologist weekly, which has definitely helped, but the sadness, fear, worry, depression, anxiety and anti-social behavior still leaves a big, dark, hovering cloud. Our son's sadness seeps through his often closed bedroom door, permeating throughout the entire house. I try to do everything I can to meet his needs and helping him open up, while providing boundaries of appropriate behavior. He can be very rude to us and other people, but then just as quickly, he can turn on the charm for those he deems worthy/or those who can benefit him in some way. I realize it's learned behavior, especially for kids who have spent years in and out of the foster care system. They learn to "work people".

So with fear of this turning into a rant of a mother's worry or despair, I grab hold of it all, and lay it down at The LORD'S Feet in prayer. My son needs restoration, healing, and a renewed heart. I know the One who can do this. I know mountains of impossible are moved in situations just such as this. You see, we didn't go out searching to bring another child into our home after our youngest (6th child) had graduated and headed off to college.
No.
We were ready for "our time."
But GOD!
HE brought our son into our lives and heart via a simple email and then parted the way for him to become our son, as we learned to take steps of faith along the way.
All I have to do is remember how are son arrived into our lives and I know The LORD is moving. Even in the hard places of doubt and tears.
Even when my son is still in the midst of the darkness of his past, feeling "different" and alone.
JESUS meets me in this place, reminding that HE makes all things new.

I pray.
I lay it all down daily.
I learn to trust.
I pray some more and wait on The LORD.
I am strengthened in those moments of letting go.
I'm reminded that HE Loves my son even more than I do.
HE placed him in our lives for a purpose.
HE has a Good and Mighty Plan for him and us.
This current view is not the final picture but only a journey in faith and trust.

I sigh.
Peace pours over worry.
GOD'S got this!
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?"~Jeremiah 32:27

What Are You Saying?

I was thinking about how words can truly affect lives. Back in the day I'm ashamed to admit that I could tear someone to shreds in an instant with my words and I was actually proud of it. I thought, "If they want to come after me or my family...they deserve it, they are asking for it...and I'm just the one to give it to them. They messed with the wrong person!"

I'd persistently look for vulnerable areas by poking, poking and poking until I'd find it, then I'd dig in, my words inflicting pain and causing damage. But truthfully..it was a cover up, hiding the hurt, pain and "less than" areas inside my heart. I put a bandaid over it and as the scripture says, "...For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."~Matthew 6:45 

My words reflected the lacking in my heart. 

I'm so thankful that GOD took the "gift" of words HE gave me, Healing every hurt so that I could be used for the very Purpose HE created me for...pointing people to JESUS, lifting up instead of tearing down... "The words of the reckless pierce like swords,

but the tongue of the wise brings healing."~Proverbs 12:18

Friends, words are powerful. Let's truly think about what we say to others. Let's pray for help to be encouragers instead of discouragers. Join me today in asking JESUS to heal all areas that may be causing us to lash out, hurt, retaliate, or gossip. 

LORD, please help us to be the people you created us to be. Fill us with more of YOU...YOUR Words, YOUR Heart, YOUR Love. Remove the bitterness, pain and/or anger that causes us to say hurtful things. Help us speak words of life, reflecting YOUR Redeeming Grace, causing people to bloom. Guide our walk through each day looking for ways to lift one another up to YOUR Glory; pointing people toward YOUR Ever-Ready, Loving Embrace. In YOUR Name we pray JESUS, Amen. 

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue,

And those who love it will eat its fruit."~Proverbs 18:21

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers."~Ephesians 4:29

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

Be acceptable in Your sight,

O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."~Psalm 19:14

Jump on the Thankful Train...what are you thankful for?

Are You Hiding Sparse Areas?

I have a very important tradition every year that drives my family crazy...I have to find the *perfect* Christmas tree. This year our hunt was way behind schedule due to our trip to the Packers game. So this afternoon, I got up out of my sick bed so we could find it. As we pulled up to our normal lot it looked like they were tearing it down. The man said, "All trees are $20.00 and you have until sundown, we're closing shop." Woah...we just made it! As I went through row by row of the tiny, sparsely branched trees, I became discouraged, asking one of the workers, "Do you have any large trees left hidden in the back or something?" "No, this is about it," he replied. I continued back and forth, having my son, little Josh, grab one just in case I couldn't find anything better. I finally narrowed it down to three best of the worst, giving in to the tallest one. Once we got home it looked even worse than I anticipated. The hubby tried to console me when he noticed the dismayed look on my face by saying, "It'll look better once we get it decorated." But there were too many bare spots to try to hide. So we rotated it to camouflage the worst parts and shoved it up against the wall. 

Friends, my poor empty branched tree reminded me of what I'd done for years in my own life. I tried to fix the outside while camouflaging the empty areas in my heart and soul that were in dire need of mending and growth. Year after year I put up a great front, but inside I was wilting. All my hiding began to become very apparent to those closest to me. I needed to make some big changes. 

So today because of this reminder I'm choosing to be thankful for this less than perfect tree! I'm thankful that when I decided to stop trying to hide, opening up my emptiness to JESUS, giving HIM access to all of my brokenness, I no longer felt the need to hide my flaws. HE took my less than and filled me with more of HIS Love and Forgiveness, causing growth in every area of weakness..the very things HE already knew I was lacking.

Friends, are you hiding sparse areas? Join me in continually taking it all to The LORD in prayer. We don't need to attempt to conceal...HE already knows. Let's expose those flaws to the Unconditional, Restoring Love and Light of CHRIST. 

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."~John 15:5

Jump on the Thankful Train...what are you thankful for?

Meet Joan and Lloyd...

I worked out and decided to drive down to Laguna for my lunch/writing/reading spot today. I'm glad I did. It was cloudy, windy and cold at first, but soon a bus load of elderly people showed up and brought the sunshine with them. The clouds cleared as they slowly emerged from the bus one by one. They made their way down to the beautiful view overlooking the ocean. I took some pictures and was walking back to my chair when I noticed a couple of late comers deciding to get out and see the view. An elderly man was trying to help a shaky, wobbly woman out. I ran over to help and "Lloyd" and I each grabbed "Joan's" arms as she slowly shuffled along to a cement seating area. 

She kept telling me I was going to earn my Girl Scout buttons today!😃 After I sat her down she said, "You better tell your scout master that you helped a little old lady today." Lol! 

 I said, "Oh I think He already knows...my Scout Master is Jesus."

They smiled as I said, "Just give me a holler when you're ready to go back." I loved that even though Joan had trouble walking, she refused to just sit there in that bus.

Soon she was ready to head back. Lloyd and I were able to get her all the way to the steps when two young lifeguards came by and helped her the rest of the way in.

Im thankful for meeting wonderful people today who still know how to enjoy life in the midst of their trials!

Jump on today's "THANKFUL TRAIN"...what are you thankful for?

WOW...WHERE TO BEGIN-THE ADOPTION?

WOW...where to begin? I guess I'll start here:

First of all, we're on the tail end of ALL the paperwork to finalize the adoption of our foster son, Lil J. We thought we were done raising our "Brady Bunch" family when Elijah (our baby) graduated high school (WOOHOO...US time!) But Jesus had other plans for us. I received an email about a young boy that changed everything. It reached deep down into my core. I was unable to shake it. So, after praying with my hubby for several days, we began to move. We took steps of faith, walking it out and waiting on The Lord's will for our lives, our family's and lil J's. 

His mom was in hospice, dying of breast cancer. He hadn't been placed in a home yet and had been at the large local facility waiting for the right family for 3 months. As we visited with him (getting to know him and him us), I prayed that if The Lord wanted us to have him in our lives, to please let his mom hang on long enough to meet us and know her son would be well taken care of. 

After several visits with lil J, knowing/getting confirmation that he would become our foster son, I asked him if it would be okay to visit his mom so she would know that he would be well taken care of. I just couldn't imagine getting ready to leave this earth and not knowing where my child would end up/who would be taking care of him. He gave his approval (he was 13 at the time). I sat on it for a whole week. I was nervous and knew it would be awkward (Hi, you don't know us but we're going to be raising your son, as you prepare to go to Heaven). 

Finally, after work on a Friday, I KNEW it was the day we HAD to go visit. I bought flowers, took pics of our house, his room, our family, and our dog. The hubby and I headed over to the hospice facility. She looked better than I expected and was sitting up. She was very thin, pale, with long dark hair and big eyes. She was so young...too young to be going through this. We nervously introduced ourselves. She stared intently at us for a few minutes, looking, searching...then told us she was really hot (I'm sure she was just as nervous and uncomfortable as we were). My hubby went out to get her some ice for her ice pack. I stumbled over my words...wanting her to know how we came to this point, standing here in her room-preparing to care for her child. I showed her the pictures and explained each one. She took a long time...as though committing each and every picture to memory. After about 30 minutes of visiting, her mom and aunt came into the room. We introduced ourselves to them and then said our goodbyes (it was about 8:30 p.m.) I mentally made plans to come and visit her in the coming weeks so she could really get to know me. 

The next day, (Saturday, at 12:00 p.m.), as we were driving to go visit lil' J, we received a call that his mom had passed away. I broke down sobbing. I thought we would have more time. She looked like she had more time, I mean, we had just been talking to her...

At her services, her family shared the fact that she had been praying for a good family to take her son. After meeting us, she felt she was finally able to let go of her pain and suffering and go home. I took special note of the date, it was December 7th...the day before my birthday. One mother, handing her heart over to another; her gift to me, her greatest treasure, her child...her son.

After 1 year of being in our family as our foster son...we are now making it permanent. Sometimes children are just meant to be a part of your family. God knows exactly what He's doing. It happened first years ago, when I received my three step-kids to help raise and guide. And now we've been given another son, who was meant to be a part of our lives. As we said, "Yes, LORD, YOUR WILL for our lives," He in turn answered a mother's prayer before she was called home. He is always working, as we learn to let go of our carefully planned lives and give HIM room to work, we find our true purpose and joy...HIS WILL. 

Missing My Dad...2 Years Today

Today is the second anniversary of my dad's passing. It brings me right back to the last time I saw him. I've never been very good about calling my family. During my dad's sickness I tried to call more often to check on him. One particular morning a Twitter friend asked how my dad was doing. I hadn't talked to him or my mom in a week so I wanted to call before I responded to my friend to get the latest update. My mom answered and told me that my dad had been asking where I was. She proceeded to remind him that I was in California.

Living so far away, my constant daily prayer was, "Dear Heavenly Father, please let me know when it's time to see my dad before you call him home." As I hung up the phone, I felt an incredible, overwhelming prompting to drive to Utah right away. I checked the weather report, a big storm was heading in but not until late the following night. I took off the next morning hoping to beat the snowstorm, driving straight through to Utah. The storm arrived early. I was alone, driving right through the middle of almost white out conditions. I prayed and prayed, tense hands gripping the wheel, passing several cars which had slid off the road. My mom called worried, asking me to please stop & stay the night somewhere...but I knew I had to get there that night.

My prayers were answered, after 12 hours I pulled safely into the driveway. I went right in to see my dad. He was so happy to see me & my sister Stacy who had just flown in. We visited. His voice weak, but full of love and happiness to see us. As we said good night, he looked intently at us and said, "Tomorrow's going to be a good day." I  woke in the early morning hours being told that my dad wasn't doing good. My brothers. sisters, and mom all surrounded my dad, each taking turns with him.

As I spent time with him, I told him how much it meant to me when he told me how proud he was of the person I had become and the mother I was to my kids. Those words were powerful. They pushed away all thoughts of failure over choices I'd made in the past that hadn't always been the best. They filled my heart with peace. To know that my dad, the incredible man and example that he was, was proud of me...it changed me. I told him how much I loved him. What an incredible father he's been never treating me like a step-daughter but a real daughter. I let him know that we'd all be there to take care of mom so he could let go and go home to his Heavenly Father. I wanted him to be filled with complete peace. To know that the family he'd loved, raised and provided for would be there for each other in his absence. He was our role model, our teacher, a man who not only led with words but more importantly by example. Which speaks louder than words.

As we sat in the room, nothing but love. Love of family, the only thing in this life that truly matters filled the room. Overwhelming love. Abounding love. Amazing love. Unending love. Tears of love filled to overflowing. We waited. I leaned close to kiss him against the backdrop of the slight flurry of snowflakes dusting the ground outside the window. Snow. His favorite. Nothing but love. His eyes looking toward the ceiling, he seemed to see someone familiar, his voice but a whisper, "Here He comes."

On a day that my dad knew would be, "A good day," He went home to his Heavenly Father. And though I miss him everyday, I'm so grateful that I was there to say goodbye. To feel the love inside that room. To hear my dad whispering to the Lord as He came to take him home. I know that one day, on "A good day," I too will see him again. I love and miss you dad. I know that your presence and amazing smile makes Heaven a little bright.

 

A Celebration of Life

It was a very different weekend, we celebrated Jullien's almost 18th birthday on Friday because he will be in NY on his real birthday, Nov. 14th. On Sunday we attended a "Celebration of Life" service for our dear friend Joanne Phillips who recently lost her 10 year battle with breast cancer. Stop by her Caring Bridge Website and read about her...she was an amazing lady!

I have to say that it was one of the most inspiring services I've ever attended. You see, Joanne was a woman who brought sunshine into a room. She always made you feel as if you were the most important person around. She never let on to anyone how sick she was or how much pain she was in...she had a cheery smile, warm hug and sincere interest in everything that was happening in YOUR life.

At her service, one of the speakers asked for audience participation. He asked everyone to close their eyes and picture Joanne, then he went through a series of questions. The final one asking, " Now, while your picturing Joanne, do any of you picture a woman battling cancer? Raise your hands." Not one single person lifted their arm.

At the end of his talk, he concluded with having everyone stand up and giving the loudest standing ovation to Joanne. This was who she was, she didn't want a funeral...she wanted a celebration of life. She wanted others to know about Jesus and that she was now free of all her pain that she so bravely hid.

She was a fighter and part of that fight included being positive. Her strength, determination, joy and spirit was an inspiration to all who knew her. She blessed so many people's lives. I know I personally want to strive to be a better person. One who doesn't sit around complaining about problems in my life or aches and pains I may be having.

Goodbye my friend...until we meet again!

Flip Flop Vs. The Wave-Prayer Request Tuesday

After you read my true FLIP FLOP vs. THE WAVE adventure on Sunday...leave your Prayer Request~It's Prayer Request Tuesday. There is no better way to start your week than releasing all your worries and cares. Turn them over to the Lord today and allow others to pray on your behalf.

THE FLIP FLOP Vs. THE WAVE
By: Lisa Petrarca

“Oh no! Not my brand new flip flops!” Carefully setting the sandals on the highest part of the mini sand cliff, away from the pounding surf. I stood with my feet in the water, waves crashing up, soaking my board shorts, as I struggled to keep my camera away from the massive spray that proceeded.

I left the house in the morning planning on having a great day at the beach watching the Hurley US Open of Surfing Competition. The crowd was packed close to the water, trying to catch a glimpse of the final top two surfers, our local HB boy, Brett Simpson and Mick Fanning from Australia.

The tide began to rise along with the size of the waves. I struggled to get a good shot, fighting the surf and crowd. Before I new it a gigantic wave hammered towards us. I held my camera straight up over my head, looking back to check on my shoes, watching them spin inside the churning water, unable to grab them, they were washed out to sea.



Five minutes later, one shiny silver sandal appeared in the sand. I rushed to grab it…I no longer cared about who won the competition or my pictures, I wanted my other flip flop. We searched and searched…the other one never turned up.

The sand was blazing hot, I ran to the trash can to throw away my one flip flop. Next I attempted to make it from one shaded area to another as my feet started to blister. I wanted to cry it hurt so bad! Finally I couldn’t take it anymore so my husband took off his large flip flops as we reached the scorching asphalt. I didn’t care how they looked…3 sizes to big! I was in pain and needed relief.

How many of us try to make it through life by ourselves? Handling all of our problems, finances, worries and cares alone. Saying, “I can do it, I’m a strong person, I don’t need anyone!” But the troubles mount, the pain begins to build, we can no longer cope with things alone. We need help, running for one shaded area after another…temporary relief.

Sadly, what we don’t realize is, just like my single flip flop, we are not meant to work alone. I could not make it across the mile long stretch of sand with one shoe, just as we cannot make it through this life without our Lord’s help. He sent His son, Jesus to be an example, to die for our sins and to teach us to turn to our Heavenly Father in prayer and supplication for EVERYTHING!

Don’t hop through life alone, He is waiting for you to ask for His help!

The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head. To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit O Lord my God.
Jonah 2:5,6

Prayer Requests

Okay, so here's the thing...every week I put together a prayer request and send it out to everyone to pray for each other (e-mail addresses are kept hidden via BCC). I can't tell you how many people are in need of prayer right now! So I decided to open it up to EVERYONE. Prayer is POWERFUL...no matter how small or large the need, let others pray for you.

Please leave me a message and I will send it out.

A Piece of Cake
Author Uknown

A little boy is telling his grandma how everything is going wrong.....school, family problems, severe health problems, etc. Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake. She asks her grandson if he would like a snack, which, of course, he does.
"Here, have some cooking oil."
"Yuck" says the boy.

"How about a couple raw eggs?"
"Gross, Grandma!"

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"
"Grandma, those are all yucky!"

"Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves, but when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why he would let us go through such bad and difficult times, but God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good!

We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!" God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.

Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart. I hope your day is a piece of cake!

"I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst."
John 6:35

GOOD NEWS!!!

First and foremost I want to thank ALL of you SO much for your encouraging comments, and prayers! It was amazing to me how many friends and family "showed up" with love and support. We often think of blogging as just a past time, something that's fun and often meaningless. However, when things go wrong or you're struggling, all of your "blogging friends" are the first one's to be there for you. The comments you left were uplifting, inspiring, and encouraging...THANK YOU!!

Now, about my good news...I made an appointment with the Orthopedic Specialist today first thing this morning. Luckily they were able to get me in today. He checked everything out and said it appears to be just a bad sprain/strain of the Achilles tendon. He said he will probably be able to completely walk on it again in a week and a half or so. They took his cast off and we just have it wrapped with an ace bandage. He is able to put a little bit of weight on it. They didn't do an MRI because he didn't show any signs of a tear. He said if he does not improve as expected to bring him back in, but he thinks he will be as good as new. He was amazed that he only received that slight injury after a bike vs. car accident.

Once again, I am the most grateful and thankful mom in the whole world! When things go wrong in one area of our lives...Heavenly Father is standing right beside us, holding our hand, wiping our tears, carrying us, and watching over us. May we always remember that we do not need to go through troubles and trials alone. Jesus died for us...his love is greater than any problem, hurt, anger, or fearful situation. Just let go and TRUST, you will be amazed at the miracles that will happen in your life!

Matthew 7:7-8
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

HOT HOT HOT

I live at the beach...which usually never gets above 80 in the summertime and when it does...OH MY GOSH!! This past weekend was miserably hot. We couldn't even stand to be in the house...I think it was in the high 70's inside and we were all sweating, groaning, and arguing (beach communities rarely have air conditioning...the ocean breeze usually works great).

I'm sure all of you having to deal with heat over the 100 degree mark are rolling your eyes right about now...but the way I see it, you guys are used to it. We are actually suffering the most since our bodies have acclimated to the 70 degree mark. You should all feel very sorry for me, LOL!

I came up with one of my famous "spur of the moment plans"...as we walked out the door I sprung it on them. My plan came on Saturday at about 7:00 p.m. We were getting ready to drop my step son, Adam off at an 8th grade graduation party. I told my husband and 16 year old son , Jullien that they should grab their boards and wet suits, after we drop Adam off they can surf and I'll take pictures and walk Allie with my son's girlfriend, Chelsea.

The usual comments, "We can't do that, it's too late. Why didn't you tell us sooner so we could get stuff ready? I'm really tired and it's been a long day! It will be dark before we get there." My reply (which always works), "Stop being so negative, why don't you guys stop griping and try to be a little spontaneous...you're both like little, grouchy old men!" Off they scurried to grab their stuff...I love being a woman, we're soooo good, LOL!

We got to the beach after sitting in tons of traffic along PCH (Pacific Coast Hwy)...more grumbling, "Look at all this traffic, it's gonna be too dark, you and your ideas"...blah blah blah, I swear they are both the biggest complainers! We picked up my sons girlfriend and took the back route to the beach (all the inlander's flock here to get out of the 100 degree temperature that they should be used to)...finally we got there and they paddled out. The wind picked up, the current pulled them so far down the beach that I couldn't even see them...they paddled, paddled and paddled, only catching one wave each. Chelsea and I grabbed our stuff every few minutes, trying to walk as fast as the current pulled them, actually quite a work out in the sand. We tried to get close enough to watch them and take pictures.

My husband was the first one out of the water..."This sucks, I remember why I never surf this spot! My arms are dead, I only caught one wave, I had to hike a mile up the beach to get back to you guys...GREAT idea Lis! Did you even get pictures of the one wave I caught?" I said, "Uh, no but I got a picture of you paddling!LOL!" He didn't find the humor in my comment, I don't get it??? Jullien came in next, he had the exact same comments...hmmm...did they rehearse it in the water?" I told him that I got some awesome paddling shots, to his scrunchy faced comment, "VERY funny mom!"

My husband's paddling perfection!


Jullien's paddle before the pull out (mushy, slow wave )...Look at the form "Paddle Boy"!LOL!

Okay so everyone didn't like this spur of the moment trip, but the water was 70, the beach was 84, I had a good laugh, took some amazing sunset pictures...and got out of my HOT HOT HOT house...hmmm, GREAT DAY FOR ME...YAY for me!!

Jullien and Chelsea

Is This What Heaven Is Like?

God's Beauty



Jullien's Favorite Scripture:

Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)


THE END TO MY PERFECT DAY!