ADOPTION-THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED

It's been a while since I've posted. In my last post I talked about the struggle of adoption and the unfortunate baggage carried. It's truly heartbreaking to watch the regression, especially when you know the majority of his problems stem from an abusive parent, making it all the more difficult.

As my son began his Senior year of high school last week, the customary 1st day picture revealed his smiling face, but that grin never reached his eyes...because he still isn't happy. He's been seeing a Psychologist weekly, which has definitely helped, but the sadness, fear, worry, depression, anxiety and anti-social behavior still leaves a big, dark, hovering cloud. Our son's sadness seeps through his often closed bedroom door, permeating throughout the entire house. I try to do everything I can to meet his needs and helping him open up, while providing boundaries of appropriate behavior. He can be very rude to us and other people, but then just as quickly, he can turn on the charm for those he deems worthy/or those who can benefit him in some way. I realize it's learned behavior, especially for kids who have spent years in and out of the foster care system. They learn to "work people".

So with fear of this turning into a rant of a mother's worry or despair, I grab hold of it all, and lay it down at The LORD'S Feet in prayer. My son needs restoration, healing, and a renewed heart. I know the One who can do this. I know mountains of impossible are moved in situations just such as this. You see, we didn't go out searching to bring another child into our home after our youngest (6th child) had graduated and headed off to college.
No.
We were ready for "our time."
But GOD!
HE brought our son into our lives and heart via a simple email and then parted the way for him to become our son, as we learned to take steps of faith along the way.
All I have to do is remember how are son arrived into our lives and I know The LORD is moving. Even in the hard places of doubt and tears.
Even when my son is still in the midst of the darkness of his past, feeling "different" and alone.
JESUS meets me in this place, reminding that HE makes all things new.

I pray.
I lay it all down daily.
I learn to trust.
I pray some more and wait on The LORD.
I am strengthened in those moments of letting go.
I'm reminded that HE Loves my son even more than I do.
HE placed him in our lives for a purpose.
HE has a Good and Mighty Plan for him and us.
This current view is not the final picture but only a journey in faith and trust.

I sigh.
Peace pours over worry.
GOD'S got this!
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?"~Jeremiah 32:27

It's Back

Last week I started to feel that same low back pain that prompted me to go to the doctors 1 year ago. It then led to that TERRIBLE surgery that caused my intestines to become blocked, tube down my nose and unbearable pain as I laid throwing up in the hospital for a week. The cause of my severe back pain before was from an accumulation of scar tissue from previous surgeries I've had. The doctor cleaned it all out but warned me that it would probably come back.

Well...it's back and I'm really struggling, especially because I really want to start exercising again to get in shape before our first trip to New York in April for my sister-in-laws wedding. I can barely walk or move quickly because it kills me! It's SO frustrating...I feel like a little old lady or something. I absolutely refuse to go to the doctors again though so I think I'm just going to try to stretch (a lot), get a few massages and pray that it goes away.

We'll see.....

Rough Weekend!

What a weekend...what happened!?! I'm going to watch the game replay today at 4:00 p.m. on FSN Prime Ticket to try and figure it out. Jullien's game was a close one all the way until the very end, with 3:56 left in the game, we were down 22-17. Our quarterback threw deep with a guy wide open. Not just any guy, this is our fastest guy AND he hardly ever drops passes. It was a perfect pass, right in his hands, almost in the end zone...but he dropped it! He felt so bad...it would have probably clinched the win for us. But we ended up throwing an interception on the next play. They scored another touchdown to finish the game off. Jullien played really well, but was upset because he got completely blocked by three guys on a 94 yard kick off return for a touchdown. Like I always tell him...nobody's perfect.

My stepson also lost both of his Freshman A and B games (he plays in both). The A team got KILLED! The B team did a little better but still lost. I got some good pictures but of course I was talking to my friend when Adam went up and made a great catch...missing the whole shot. He looked over and immediately yelled, "Did ya get that?" I shook my head no and yelled, "SORRY!" Needless to say I never heard the end of it all weekend, LOL!

Finishing off the weekend was Elijah's big game. Both teams were undefeated, so we knew it was going to be a battle. Right when we got there our mouths dropped, the ENTIRE team was HUGE. They did not have one small guy, and this particular team has been playing together for years. It was blazing hot (our little beach boys don't do well in the heat), not to mention our biggest guy was playing sick and one of our best running backs was out with a broken arm. This left us with only 19 players. We played good the first half but we were beat down by the second half. Elijah scored a touchdown at the very end of the game and the final score was 27-8 yikes!

We stopped on the way home at McDonald's and ate...then my stomach started cramping up. I was sitting in the car, with pains that felt like I was in labor (no, I'm not exaggerating either). We finally made it home and I spent the next two hours in the bathroom. I thought maybe I had food poisoning...but it has lasted all weekend. So I guess it's just the stomach flu. MAN, THIS WAS A ROUGH WEEKEND!

DO I or DON'T I???

I thought I would ask you guys what I should do...I exercised for the first time yesterday. I'm not talking about the "normal" exercising like doing 20 minutes on a stationary bike, lift a few weights, once you feel your muscles getting a little fatigued you stop. Oh no, this torture...I mean exercise was with a personal trainer mom whose son is on my son's team. For the past few days about 5 or 6 mom's have gotten their butt's out of their chairs and headed to the track. I watched (I was only wearing flip flops), while a few of the mom's shouted out, "Hey Lis, you need to bring your running shoes tomorrow!" I actually thought about it, they seemed to be jogging pretty slow. I started thinking, "I can do that, maybe I will bring shoes tomorrow." That was until they started on the lunges around the WHOLE track!

Now, I'm one of those people that know how to hide all my nasty, flabby "junk" in a pair of cute longer trendy shorts, pants or capri's. I didn't realize I had such a special talent at camouflage until a few of the ladies said, "You must work out, you look great." Ha Ha Ha Ha, if they only knew...I will not get in a bathing suit this year cuz my butt and legs look NASTY! So I proceeded to point out all my flaws to them. Next I realized that I was complaining so much, I HAD to work out with them, great...my mouth always gets me into trouble.

Yesterday, I went home and tried to come up with a good excuse to tell them...couldn't find one, put on my LONG sweats in 85 degree weather. I headed to the field, late to make sure I didn't have to work out the whole 2 hours. OH MY GOSH, I was dead, I couldn't even make it the four times around the track (1 mile), I had to start walking. I haven't really worked out in about 2 years and a lot of these moms work out everyday! My kids were yelling at me, "Cmon mom, your in last, stop being such a woosie!" I wanted to smack them down!LOL! Then the lunges, my thighs were screaming, "NO NO NO, What are you doing?" Then back to the running (1 mile), lunges, running (another mile), lunges, finally ending with the dreaded series of ab workouts!!!

I think the trainer wasn't too excited that I joined in with the other mom's. She was trying to motivate while I kept saying, "I haven't worked out in two years...must walk!" Then I dragged a few of the motivated mom's down to my level. I had a little crew of walkers, while only two mom's and the trainer continued jogging. Yep I'm a bad influence.

Today I could barely walk, I hurt EVERYWHERE...even my neck. To top it off, I'm supposed to do it again. I hate the way I look, but the thought of doing it again makes me want to puke! So, do I suck it up, and head to the field in my workout gear or sit down read a book, come up with a good excuse and rest my aching legs? Someone help me? I HATE TO EXCERCISE...I HATE MY FLABBY BODY!!! Quite the dilemma....

Never Daddy's Little Girl

I often wonder what it would be like to have that special relationship that you often hear daughters have with their fathers. To have them look at you with pride and admiration, knowing that under any circumstance daddy will protect them, be there for them and guide them through all their joy, heartache and tears. I sometimes sit and watch the little girls at the park with their dads, beaming from ear to ear as they are pushed back and forth on the swing. Knowing that as they lunge forward high into the sky….daddy will be there waiting on their way back down. Laughter echoes across the park as both father and daughter delight in their time together. I walk down to the beach and see a dad walking his dog with his teenage daughter. The outward appearance to a casual onlooker would show a daughter embarrassed to be seen with her dad, however I see a very different picture. The father is teasing and joking with his daughter, tousling her hair as she wrinkles her face, trying to disguise her obvious delight in her father's playfulness. The façade she shows the world as she spends quality time with her dad has now been exposed, as her giggle becomes a boisterous cackle. High school arrives…dating, driving, prom….I watch as the girls stand around dressed in their beautiful dresses, hair piled in flowing ringlets on top of their head. Make up, nails and heels…flashes of light as the pictures are being snapped one right after another. Each father holding on tightly to his now grown daughter not wanting to let her go off with a boy he hardly knows. Looking into their eyes you can almost hear their thoughts, "Who will protect her if anything goes wrong". The daughters glow with a radiance of peace, comfort, and affection, as they enter the limo and look back adoringly at their devoted fathers. These are the pictures that are a daily reminder of the relationship, love and affection that somehow passed me by. I never had those special moments….that special relationship that every little girl dreams of. Daddy's little girl is something that somehow jumped past my childhood, teenage years and adult life, just as a raging forest fire burns hotly through a town with every house being saved except that one individual home. Everyone rushes back to see the wonder and amazement of their life and belongings. As I rush back to stare at the charred, broken and crumbled remains. I quickly turn to look around in awe at the view around me. Daddy's little girl is something that will never be for me….but my life has taught me to take joy in the moments that seem ordinary to others. A life that will be used to encourage, inspire and lift up those girls who will never be "daddy's little girl".

The Hidden Danger of Endometriosis

I suffered for years from endometriosis and it almost cost me my life! Endometriosis is a silent, often undetectable problem for many women. I had been suffering from severe lower abdominal pain for a year. It became so bad that I started getting a fever and having trouble going to the bathroom. I went to the doctor who passed it off as some type of flu. He prescribed pain medication and told me it would pass. My stomach started to become severely bloated. When I went back to the doctor, he made me feel as though it was all in my head.

Finally, after eating a large meal one evening, I found myself hunched over on the bathroom floor, with a stomach the size of a five month pregnant women. The pain was excruciating and unbearable. My husband drove me to the emergency room. I was immediately rushed in and they stuck a large tube through my nose, down to my stomach to drain the contents. After endless tests, CT scan, MRI, Ultrasound and blood tests, they said they “thought” I had an intestinal blockage.

They took me up for surgery. After opening me up, they found that endometriosis had gotten outside of my uterus and wrapped itself around my intestines, thus creating a blockage. Two surgeons worked on me, one cutting away the endometriosis in hopes of saving that area of my intestines, the other performing a complete hysterectomy at the age of 34. The worst part was that if I had not made it to the emergency room that night, I would have died due to the toxins that were backed up in my body for a month.

I cannot stress the importance of listening to your body. If the doctors are unable to find anything, then ask them to look for endometriosis. I had little knowledge of the damage that endometriosis could cause to my health. I trusted my doctors to “see the signs”. I hope that my experience will help bring attention to the life threatening dangers of this hidden problem.