ADOPTION-THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED

It's been a while since I've posted. In my last post I talked about the struggle of adoption and the unfortunate baggage carried. It's truly heartbreaking to watch the regression, especially when you know the majority of his problems stem from an abusive parent, making it all the more difficult.

As my son began his Senior year of high school last week, the customary 1st day picture revealed his smiling face, but that grin never reached his eyes...because he still isn't happy. He's been seeing a Psychologist weekly, which has definitely helped, but the sadness, fear, worry, depression, anxiety and anti-social behavior still leaves a big, dark, hovering cloud. Our son's sadness seeps through his often closed bedroom door, permeating throughout the entire house. I try to do everything I can to meet his needs and helping him open up, while providing boundaries of appropriate behavior. He can be very rude to us and other people, but then just as quickly, he can turn on the charm for those he deems worthy/or those who can benefit him in some way. I realize it's learned behavior, especially for kids who have spent years in and out of the foster care system. They learn to "work people".

So with fear of this turning into a rant of a mother's worry or despair, I grab hold of it all, and lay it down at The LORD'S Feet in prayer. My son needs restoration, healing, and a renewed heart. I know the One who can do this. I know mountains of impossible are moved in situations just such as this. You see, we didn't go out searching to bring another child into our home after our youngest (6th child) had graduated and headed off to college.
No.
We were ready for "our time."
But GOD!
HE brought our son into our lives and heart via a simple email and then parted the way for him to become our son, as we learned to take steps of faith along the way.
All I have to do is remember how are son arrived into our lives and I know The LORD is moving. Even in the hard places of doubt and tears.
Even when my son is still in the midst of the darkness of his past, feeling "different" and alone.
JESUS meets me in this place, reminding that HE makes all things new.

I pray.
I lay it all down daily.
I learn to trust.
I pray some more and wait on The LORD.
I am strengthened in those moments of letting go.
I'm reminded that HE Loves my son even more than I do.
HE placed him in our lives for a purpose.
HE has a Good and Mighty Plan for him and us.
This current view is not the final picture but only a journey in faith and trust.

I sigh.
Peace pours over worry.
GOD'S got this!
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?"~Jeremiah 32:27

MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME

Middle children often are the forgotten children. This is especially true if the older sibling happens to be the same sex as the middle child. I was a middle child who had an older sister and a younger brother. My sister was the first born so needless to say received tons of attention. By the time I came along, everyone was hoping for a boy, but instead they received me. My younger brother came and everyone was once again excited. I tried in the beginning to get attention but after several failed attempts I just started to act like I didn't want attention. I built a protective barrier around myself. My barrier was a smart mouth, bad temper, and constant back talking and complaining. This was very effective in keeping everyone at a distance. I then told myself that I was rejecting them, not them rejecting me. I think that middle children learn to be independent survivors. All children need love, affection and a feeling of belonging. If you do not receive it, which is very common for the middle child, you go through life distancing yourself from others. As a parent now of a middle child son who has an older and younger brother, I make sure to follow the following steps to help him avoid the same pitfalls of my childhood:

1. Always be affectionate, even if they try to push you away, they really want it!

2. Spend quality alone time with your middle child.

3. Take time to listen to their problems, disappointments, hopes, and dreams.

4. Take an interest in their activities.

5. Tell them that they are important.

6. If they try to distance themselves from you, tell them that you know what they are trying to do and it won’t work because you will love them anyways.

7. Do not point out there bad qualities and ask them why can't they be more like their brother or sister.

8. Do not let them hide behind their sarcasm, anger, or bad attitude. This is just a cover up for a deep longing to be loved!

9. Be patient with them, they are good at controlling situations and lashing out to protect themselves from their self imposed barrier.

10. Last and most important, tell them that you love them, hug them and then when they test your patience, do it again!

The ultimate goal is to raise healthy, happy and well adjusted children. Middle child syndrome is very real and these kids seem to need extra special attention to establish a worthiness of being loved and accepted. Take the extra time needed to care for your forgotten child!