It's been a while since I've posted. In my last post I talked about the struggle of adoption and the unfortunate baggage carried. It's truly heartbreaking to watch the regression, especially when you know the majority of his problems stem from an abusive parent, making it all the more difficult.
As my son began his Senior year of high school last week, the customary 1st day picture revealed his smiling face, but that grin never reached his eyes...because he still isn't happy. He's been seeing a Psychologist weekly, which has definitely helped, but the sadness, fear, worry, depression, anxiety and anti-social behavior still leaves a big, dark, hovering cloud. Our son's sadness seeps through his often closed bedroom door, permeating throughout the entire house. I try to do everything I can to meet his needs and helping him open up, while providing boundaries of appropriate behavior. He can be very rude to us and other people, but then just as quickly, he can turn on the charm for those he deems worthy/or those who can benefit him in some way. I realize it's learned behavior, especially for kids who have spent years in and out of the foster care system. They learn to "work people".
So with fear of this turning into a rant of a mother's worry or despair, I grab hold of it all, and lay it down at The LORD'S Feet in prayer. My son needs restoration, healing, and a renewed heart. I know the One who can do this. I know mountains of impossible are moved in situations just such as this. You see, we didn't go out searching to bring another child into our home after our youngest (6th child) had graduated and headed off to college.
No.
We were ready for "our time."
But GOD!
HE brought our son into our lives and heart via a simple email and then parted the way for him to become our son, as we learned to take steps of faith along the way.
All I have to do is remember how are son arrived into our lives and I know The LORD is moving. Even in the hard places of doubt and tears.
Even when my son is still in the midst of the darkness of his past, feeling "different" and alone.
JESUS meets me in this place, reminding that HE makes all things new.
I pray.
I lay it all down daily.
I learn to trust.
I pray some more and wait on The LORD.
I am strengthened in those moments of letting go.
I'm reminded that HE Loves my son even more than I do.
HE placed him in our lives for a purpose.
HE has a Good and Mighty Plan for him and us.
This current view is not the final picture but only a journey in faith and trust.
I sigh.
Peace pours over worry.
GOD'S got this!
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?"~Jeremiah 32:27
