ADOPTION-THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED

It's been a while since I've posted. In my last post I talked about the struggle of adoption and the unfortunate baggage carried. It's truly heartbreaking to watch the regression, especially when you know the majority of his problems stem from an abusive parent, making it all the more difficult.

As my son began his Senior year of high school last week, the customary 1st day picture revealed his smiling face, but that grin never reached his eyes...because he still isn't happy. He's been seeing a Psychologist weekly, which has definitely helped, but the sadness, fear, worry, depression, anxiety and anti-social behavior still leaves a big, dark, hovering cloud. Our son's sadness seeps through his often closed bedroom door, permeating throughout the entire house. I try to do everything I can to meet his needs and helping him open up, while providing boundaries of appropriate behavior. He can be very rude to us and other people, but then just as quickly, he can turn on the charm for those he deems worthy/or those who can benefit him in some way. I realize it's learned behavior, especially for kids who have spent years in and out of the foster care system. They learn to "work people".

So with fear of this turning into a rant of a mother's worry or despair, I grab hold of it all, and lay it down at The LORD'S Feet in prayer. My son needs restoration, healing, and a renewed heart. I know the One who can do this. I know mountains of impossible are moved in situations just such as this. You see, we didn't go out searching to bring another child into our home after our youngest (6th child) had graduated and headed off to college.
No.
We were ready for "our time."
But GOD!
HE brought our son into our lives and heart via a simple email and then parted the way for him to become our son, as we learned to take steps of faith along the way.
All I have to do is remember how are son arrived into our lives and I know The LORD is moving. Even in the hard places of doubt and tears.
Even when my son is still in the midst of the darkness of his past, feeling "different" and alone.
JESUS meets me in this place, reminding that HE makes all things new.

I pray.
I lay it all down daily.
I learn to trust.
I pray some more and wait on The LORD.
I am strengthened in those moments of letting go.
I'm reminded that HE Loves my son even more than I do.
HE placed him in our lives for a purpose.
HE has a Good and Mighty Plan for him and us.
This current view is not the final picture but only a journey in faith and trust.

I sigh.
Peace pours over worry.
GOD'S got this!
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?"~Jeremiah 32:27

My Baby Starts High School

Tomorrow is the day I officially have to accept the fact that my baby boy is all grown up...he starts High School. Where has the time gone? It was just yesterday that we were going on bike rides. My chubby lil' Lijey sitting in his bike seat, big blue helmet, high on his head, barely able to fit his big noggin'. Laughing, pointing at all the "burdie's" flying around his chubby hand as he ate his sandwich.

In junior high I still felt a sense of connection with him during our every Thursday lunch days. He would get out of school early and it was our time together. We would take turns picking the lunch spot. Then spend time catching up on all the important things going on in his life. Not that he'd really tell me...but anything you can drag out of a teenager is special.
Elijah's 8th Grade Graduation

Natascha, Adam, Elijah, Josh, Me, Anthony & Dillon (Jullien was in NY)
Last week was my first experience not having anyone to go to "Lunch Day" with. Elijah was at freshman football practice, Jullien was in New York and Josh was working. I felt so alone, I guess I'm getting the beginning feelings of "empty nest" syndrome.

We spent tonight going school clothes shopping and then out to dinner. My stepson Dillon was going to pick him up for me tomorrow, but as we ate Elijah kept saying, "Well if he can't you can take me for my first day of High School." He said it a few more times throughout the night...so I took it as a hint that he really wanted me to drop him off. I had Anthony call Dillon and tell him I'd take Lijey tomorrow.

So I will drop my baby off at 6:30 a.m. (0 period starts at 7:00 a.m.) Saying goodbye to my baby...and our special lunch days. Wow, I never thought I'd take it so hard...I guess it's time to learn to embrace the fact that I will have more time for me again. This will be a new concept because I haven't thought about me since I had my first baby at 21~

The Freshmen and The Seniors

I want you all to put yourself right back in high school as I share my funny story with you. Try to remember your very first Homecoming dance...the excitement of getting ready, finding the perfect outfit, first date, Limo ride...and the whole anticipation of the night ahead.

(Jullien & Chelsea)



(The Football Players- Preston won Homecoming King)

Saturday was the Homecoming dance and like I mentioned in my previous post my son, Jullien (a Senior) and my step-son, Adam (a Freshman) both went. Of course Jullien went with all the Seniors. They met at our friends house, ate, hung out, took pictures and waited for their luxury bus to arrive, yes I said bus...but it was supposed to be really cool. So we hung out and waited for it to arrive. As it pulled up, it was the most AMAZING BUS I had ever seen. All the kids had to line up and fill out an information sheet while some of us pushy parents jumped on to take pictures and check it out. What do ya think? I wasn't kidding!

(Senior's waiting to get on the Bus)



(Check out the little fireplace!)

(My Hubby and Erin-Checking Out the Bus)
After they all loaded on, we headed over to the Freshman house. As we pulled up a Hummer Limo was just pulling out, there were also a bunch of Sophmore kids at the house who were going with the older brother. All the little freshman were outside checking out the limo and got even more excited for their bus to arrive...they were going on a luxury bus. We all went inside, the bus was going to be 20 minutes late. While we were sitting there I had my camera and started telling them to come and check out the pictures of the senior's bus. They were freaking out..."WOW...that's cool!" Their eyes got huge, they started to jump around, the anticipation of all the fun they were going to have on their bus was getting the best of their mature fake exterior. Finally the call came, the bus driver was just coming into the gate (the family lives in an exclusive gated community). They all bolted out the door, it was pitch black outside and all they could see were the large headlights coming towards them. They started jumping, hugging, high fiving and yelling, "Yeah, Yeah, look at it, here it comes!"

(Adam Ready for Homecoming)
It slowly made a u turn and pulled up in front of the jumping, slapping, screaming, excited, freshmen. The lights inside the bus started flashing off and on. There was complete silence as they stared in awe at their amazing, luxury bus. There it finally was...the ride that would take them to their very first Homecoming dance, a ride that would make a statement..."Yes we are really movie stars here to crash your dance!" Oh this was a special day!

(Adam, Cade and Friends)

(The Freshmen)
There it was, the kids were frozen, unable to move towards the open door. This was the moment they had been waiting for. The Luxury bus was a small transit bus painted white that said "VIP TOURS" on the side! One of the boys looks at his mom and yells out, "WHAT IS THIS THING! We aren't going to the dance in THIS!" Everyone started to yell, "This is SOOOO LAME!" The boys mom said, "Oh, go ahead and get on, it'll be okay...this isn't what I thought I'd ordered but it'll be fine, hurry and get on you guys are already late." With heads hung low, shoulders slumped, muttering mean comments under their breathe...one by one they piled into their double wide "luxury" seats. Adam taking a seat and slumping his head against the window. I jumped on to get a picture of the scene inside...which was very different than a few minutes prior. At least one girl forced a smile for the picture.

(Kids in Shock)

(A Girl Forcing a Smile...Notice the Boy in the Backs Face!LOL!)
As the freshman were all seat belted safely in their seats...a dad yells out, "This is what you get to ride in when your a freshman. Just wait till next year, it gets better!!" With that final parting comment the doors closed and the bus driver flashed the inside lights off and on...giving it quite the party bus effect!LOL! We were all laughing as they drove away.

Adam told me that at the end of the night, as everyone piled outside waiting for their Limo's and Luxury busses to pull up...his group hid towards the back of the crowd, praying that their's would be the last one to pull in front. But, when you're a freshman, things never go the way you hope...it pulled right up...flashing lights and all. They sprinted to get inside and hid under the seats, hoping to avoid being seen. Driving off into the moonlight, safely hidden in the darkness, they popped their heads up one by one, looked around, climbed into their seats and said, "Man, that was embarrassing...do you think anybody saw us? I can't wait till we're Senior's, this bus stinks!!"

Hawaii Game Results

Well my son played his game last night in Maui...it started at 7:00 p.m. their time, 10:00 p.m. our time. We had a friend call us every quarter to give us the update and play by play. Since we couldn't go I wanted to make sure I felt like I was there. The first call we received was 14-0 us. Next update was 21-10, the 10 points was scored by a fumble and interception. The defense (my son plays safety) did not allow any points...YAY!!! After the second call they asked if I still wanted them to call when it was over because it would be 1:00 a.m. our time. Are you kidding me? Do you think I could wait all night for the final score! LOL! I just told him, "Yeah, I never sleep anyways so I will be up."

The last call came in at 12:45 a.m...my son had blocked a punt and made some great tackles...Safety is a scary position, your the last person to stop them from making a touchdown. Which means they either LOVE you or HATE you. As a mom in the stands...you just pray your son doesn't make a mistake, the comments you hear make you want to throw blows defending your son. This is the world of football at one of the best football schools in the state...competitive not only on the field, but in the stands too! It pays off though...WE WON 43-10!! GO CHARGERS!!!

Senior Pictures...WHAT?

Where have the years gone? I can't believe I had to take Jullien for his Senior pictures today!! It was just yesterday when he was crawling after me, screaming outside the bathroom door because I was out of his sight. My sister would say, "How can you stand it?" He wont let you even go to the bathroom!" But...I loved the feeling of being loved so completely and unconditionally. He was always a clinger and even now that he is older, I love the fact that he likes to hang out here with his girlfriend. Never having girls made me wonder if someday I would be all alone in my old age. Well...having a clinger as a son gives me hope!! He talks to me about his relationship, listens to my advice (doesn't always take it) and is always affectionate, giving me a hug goodbye, even if his friends are around.

Today he was all dressed up after his pictures, so I told him I want to take a few of my own, (that way I can send out invitations with some of mine and hopefully save on the portrait package, which costs a FORTUNE!!!) He wasn't too happy about it, complained and said how much I embarrass him, because I always want to take pictures. I just ignored him and made him pose. Okay, I had to bribe him with some ice cream, still works at 16 years old! LOL! I got some pretty good shots, just wish I could afford Photoshop to touch up a bit. I still think they came out okay though...what do you think? Don't worry, give me your honest opinion, you wont hurt my feelings, I take tons of pics so I can get better, any tips would be great.

"Mommy Clicks"

What is up with the "mommy clicks" at sports...are we still in high school? Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. You arrive at your soccer, baseball, football and/or basketball games, scanning the field or court for your girls. You immediately rush over, big hugs...it's been a WHOLE two days since you've seen them! You find the perfect spot making sure to keep a safe distance from any eavesdroppers. Now the fun begins..."WHAT is she wearing? Can you believe she actually said that to me? Who does she think she is...shhh shhh...here she comes. "Oh, hi Mary...what a cute outfit!" Quick sarcastic smirk, glancing at your friends.

Then the conversation moves on to the therapy sessions. "I only wanted to go shopping and Bill told me I spend too much money. We got into a HUGE argument...I told him to sleep on the couch...NICE CATCH JIMMY! What was I saying? Oh yeah, do you think he was being unreasonable? I mean, he knows when I was growing up I never got anything from my parents, so every once in a while I should be allowed to go on a shopping spree." Followed by everyone's input telling you how ridiculous your husband is being.

I think you get the picture...and I am not excluding myself from the "mommy clicks," I have done my share. Now that I'm getting older I guess it gets a little tiring. Which leads me to today's events.

My "clicks" children have all quit football. This season I find myself searching for new friends. I make friends pretty easy, but I very rarely let anyone get past the surface friendship (been burned in the past.) I know most of the moms but not much past, Hi, how are you, stage.

I have to say that today I was happily surprised. My son, had a football passing league today...I got there early and was sitting at the top of the stadium...the younger players mom's came into the stadium and headed right up to where I was sitting. We all sat and talked together, a couple of mom's opened up about some difficult things they have going on in their lives. It's funny...one of the ladies who I thought was a little snobby throughout the years was actually VERY sweet and funny. How often do we judge others by how they look without actually knowing them? I guess it's human nature, but I'm glad that I have been put in this situation...once again forcing me out of my comfort zone!

No more "mommy clicks" for me.....


HANGIN WITH THE GIRLS



JULLIEN'S FOOTBALL PASSING LEAGUE