ADOPTION-THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED

It's been a while since I've posted. In my last post I talked about the struggle of adoption and the unfortunate baggage carried. It's truly heartbreaking to watch the regression, especially when you know the majority of his problems stem from an abusive parent, making it all the more difficult.

As my son began his Senior year of high school last week, the customary 1st day picture revealed his smiling face, but that grin never reached his eyes...because he still isn't happy. He's been seeing a Psychologist weekly, which has definitely helped, but the sadness, fear, worry, depression, anxiety and anti-social behavior still leaves a big, dark, hovering cloud. Our son's sadness seeps through his often closed bedroom door, permeating throughout the entire house. I try to do everything I can to meet his needs and helping him open up, while providing boundaries of appropriate behavior. He can be very rude to us and other people, but then just as quickly, he can turn on the charm for those he deems worthy/or those who can benefit him in some way. I realize it's learned behavior, especially for kids who have spent years in and out of the foster care system. They learn to "work people".

So with fear of this turning into a rant of a mother's worry or despair, I grab hold of it all, and lay it down at The LORD'S Feet in prayer. My son needs restoration, healing, and a renewed heart. I know the One who can do this. I know mountains of impossible are moved in situations just such as this. You see, we didn't go out searching to bring another child into our home after our youngest (6th child) had graduated and headed off to college.
No.
We were ready for "our time."
But GOD!
HE brought our son into our lives and heart via a simple email and then parted the way for him to become our son, as we learned to take steps of faith along the way.
All I have to do is remember how are son arrived into our lives and I know The LORD is moving. Even in the hard places of doubt and tears.
Even when my son is still in the midst of the darkness of his past, feeling "different" and alone.
JESUS meets me in this place, reminding that HE makes all things new.

I pray.
I lay it all down daily.
I learn to trust.
I pray some more and wait on The LORD.
I am strengthened in those moments of letting go.
I'm reminded that HE Loves my son even more than I do.
HE placed him in our lives for a purpose.
HE has a Good and Mighty Plan for him and us.
This current view is not the final picture but only a journey in faith and trust.

I sigh.
Peace pours over worry.
GOD'S got this!
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?"~Jeremiah 32:27

Adoption Road

Whew! It’s been forever since I’ve posted. I think I’ve let social media consume me, posting all my pics and stories there. But tonight, as I sat struggling with some family issues, I realized my blog offered a whole other outlet. It’s more like a diary of sorts.

So here goes:
Dear Diary,
I have a heavy heart. Our adopted son is in a season of struggling. To be honest I shouldn’t be surprised, it was bound to happen at some point, right? It’s just strange because everything’s been going relatively smoothly the past 5 years since he came into our lives at the age of 12. Obviously there’s been some hiccups and issues to work through, but I thought at 17...we’d made it through any seasons of major trials.

Well I was wrong. We’re in the thick of it. And when things begin to unravel in your child’s life, you begin to wonder,
“Where did I go wrong?”
“What did I or didn’t I do?”
“Have I failed him in an area?”
“Did I not show enough love or spend enough time?”
You get the point, I can go on for days about the different thoughts and feelings that run through my mind.

So tonight as we sat and talked at dinner, I decided to ask him. I wanted to know if I’ve failed him in some way, if there’s something he needs that I’m not doing. What can I do to make things better? I let him know that I wanted to apologize if I have let him down, because as a parent, I’m not perfect and make mistakes too.
He didn’t tell me anything specific that I’d done wrong, but that conversation opened up the flood gates. It allowed him to feel safe enough to let out some very difficult personal things (he had a very rough childhood and had been in and out of the foster care system). The things he shared made me realize that he needs more help than I can offer.
And that’s okay.
I can’t be all.
I can’t do all.
And I need to remember...it’s not all about me anyways.
But with the information he provided, I can do something to get him to the right people who can help. I can lift him up to The LORD in prayer daily.

My son has had it rough. And while I’ve only had him for a short period of time, relatively speaking, I can’t magically erase the past for him (while I wish I could).  So I’m thankful The LORD helped my normally closed off, reclusive son, open up  (because you know I was silently praying for help to say the right things and ask the right questions.)
Adoption isn’t always smooth and easy. The trials and baggage that come along with these precious children can be difficult. But through it all, nothing is more gratifying than sharing your life and love with a child GOD has placed in your care.

It’s going to be okay...GOD is in the business of moving  mountains of impossible.

President Obama in Orange County, CA

President Obama will be in Orange County attending a town hall style meeting, to be held at the Orange County Fairgrounds tomorrow, Wednesday, March 18, 2008 at 4:00 p.m in Costa Mesa, CA. However, if the strongly based Republican "Orange Countyans" have anything to say about it...their tents will speak loud and clear! Set up outside the entrance to the fairgrounds are several tents with large FORECLOSURE signs posted. The recent rise in tent cities, sprouting up all over the country, not to mention the threat of cholera and other diseases inside these depression based "middle class neighborhoods", should make for a very receptive welcome.

He will be flying into the Long Beach Airport due to his Air Force One 747 being too large for John Wayne Airport (just a few miles from the fairgrounds). He will then have to travel by motorcade, to Costa Mesa. They better plan on shutting down the 405 freeway at that time or he'll never make it.

The tickets are free to the public and will be distributed beginning today at 10 a.m. at: The OC Fair and Event Center (Enter at Gate 1 or Gate 10; park in Lot A.), 88 Fair Drive, Costa Mesa.

I did not get my tickets even though I would love to be there to hear the plans regarding bailing out all of us "normal" people who are trying to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table and health insurance for our families. While large corporations (ie. AIG thieves) are requesting bailouts to give out large bonuses to their already over indulgent, rich executives, who are investing in foreign countries...we just want a little help saving our jobs, homes and feeding our kids!

PRESIDENT OBAMA....HELP THE MIDDLE CLASS FAMILIES!

Families Possible Foreclosure (Part 2)

I woke up this morning really early, I was going to take Jullien to football practice and then head into work extra early. Today was pay day, thought I could put in a couple of extra hours to boost the $$$ amount. Of course I couldn't get out of bed when the alarm went off so I told Anthony he had to take him on his way to work.

I layed there starting to feel anxious and out of breathe...so I grabbed my daily devotionals off the nightstand...no, it's not a typo...devotional(s) as in plural, I have four separate books that I read, Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers...EVERYONE should get this book and read a chapter daily this is MY FAVORITE! Next is One Year Devotions for Mom's by Ellen Banks Elwell, then I move onto one chapter of More Joy for the Journey, written by several contributing author's, finally reaching for The Power of Praying, Help for a Woman's Journey Through Life, by Stormie Omartian...then the grand finale is of course THE BIBLE. I need lots of encouragement right now! It's funny how everyone always talks about having faith and trusting, but when your back is against the wall and you see no escape...even having faith is SCARY!

Today is D day, (D=Dread, Doom, Dagger, Depression, Dally, Damage, Disconnect), okay, I think you get the picture...can we make the payment or not?!? That is a question that doesn't really have one distinct answer. When looking at the situation, we can scrimp, squeeze, scrounge and scrape together every last cent we have and make the payment. The other side of the question is, "How will we eat, buy gas and pay all of our other bills?" So I guess my answer would have to be YES AND NO.

I wont drag this out anymore...my husband went and took a payment into the bank at about 3:30. We are still scraping the last bit of money together today. So, now the faith part has to come into play and work overtime!! We need to have money to live on for the next couple of weeks...here is the positive, I will get to see miracles in action, because that is what it will take for us to survive right now. I guess it will be a good thing because all of my family and friends will be able to see their prayers on our behalf getting answered...so PLEASE remember us!!

I will keep you all posted on the situation...thanks for everyone's love and support.

Here's my daily scripture:

"You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. "Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5: 14-16

Teenage Prescription Drug Abuse-Are You Their Dealer?

I've recently been exposed to the world of drug abuse. I know what you're thinking...wake up it's been a problem for years! Well I know that, BUT I had no idea about the HUGE prescription drug problem going on in our High Schools, Middle Schools, and even Elementary Schools.

Most parents check and snoop around their kids rooms for cigarettes, pot, cocaine, crystal meth and ecstasy, but I wonder how many of you actually are checking your own medicine cabinets? Do you ever think about keeping track of how many pills you have left in your prescription bottles? What about those pain pills that you were given during your last visit to the doctor or the dentist, you know...the ones that you never finished and thought, "Oh well I will just save it for the next time I have a migraine, feel sick or my back is hurting." We all have the secret little "left over" stash for emergency purposes. Do you even remember which bottle's you had? Would you know if any of your "stash" went missing?

Unfortunately, this is the current problem facing our kids today. No longer do they have to go out and try to locate a drug dealer or scrounge up enough money to buy the drugs. You have become their new "FREE" drug dealer. Right in the comfort of their own home, they can get high from their, loving, caring and trusting parents. That's right, you have not only become your children's drug dealer but also the neighborhood supplier.

More and more teenagers are taking these drugs in large quantities and then mixing it with alcohol (yes, probably also supplied by you). They will then sell their extra pills to their friends, WOW, what incredibly smart little entrepreneurs you've raised! You have now started getting the whole neighborhood high, with the excuse of, "I didn't know, I couldn't remember how many pills I had left in the bottle" or "I thought I lost the bottle so I had it refilled". I will give you two words to think about "HEATH LEDGER".

These kids do not discriminate...if you have prescription pills of any kind, Vicodin, Darvocet Loritab, sleeping pills, anti-anxiety pills, pills for depression, hyper-activity pills...you name it they'll take it! Everyone seems to have a pill for every problem, which means easy access for our children. WAKE UP PARENTS!! We need to lock up ALL of our medication and keep a list of how many pills are in each bottle.

Open your eyes and see that we may be giving our children a prescription for a lifetime of abuse, anger, self-loathing, misery, and even death...why... because WE JUST DIDN'T REALIZE!

Today....Hmmm.......Still Looking!

I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what I can do today for someone. I forgot to let anyone get in front of me while I was driving (I was feeling a little aggressive today?!) I didn't let anyone in front of me at the store either. I 'm going to have to find some way to do something nice for someone before the day is over. Wow....it's actually hard to do something nice for someone on a day when I didn't feel particularly bright and cheery. I guess that is probably when I need to do it the most. I always get a really good feeling inside after I 'm nice to someone. So I still have some time left before the day is over to complete my own personal challenge.

I always do things for my family but doing something for a stranger is a whole different ball game. It actually takes a little thought, Hmmm what a concept, trying to focusing on doing something nice. It takes away all the self pity, depression and stress. I like having to think about someone other than myself and what daily drama I'm going through for a change.

My husband and I go to a class tonight (learning to communicate better). Don't worry, no major problems just always striving to make our relationship even better. I know I will have an opportunity in class tonight....so I will end this blog as TO BE CONTINUED...........