Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts

Friday, May 16, 2008

The Invisible Man



Last Saturday my middle son Jullien really upset me when I picked him up. He said some pretty mean things to me, so I dropped him off at the house and just took off for some alone time (I needed to cry a little). I drove through Taco Bell, picked up some food and headed to a store where I was going to buy some crafts to make some Mother's Day gifts. I pulled up in front of the store and parked and just sat there eating.

As I looked around, (feeling a little sorry for myself), I noticed a guy with long tangled silver hair, a short white scraggly beard, an old black leather jacket, and torn blue jeans. He was standing up, leaning with his forehead pressed against the wall. I had some time to just observe while I finished my lunch, (which is very rare for me to have TIME). So I just watched, wondering if anyone would ask him if he was okay. The first couple that went by was probably in their 20's and didn't even glance in the man's direction. A couple of ladies in their thirties also proceeded to walk past the man, (who had not moved or changed positions for about 10 minutes), again not even a look towards him. The same thing happened about six more times. The way everyone just strolled by, made me wonder if the man was a figment of my imagination.

After about 20 minutes I got to the point that I was hoping and praying that someone would just LOOK at the man. With each new person I thought, "Surely they will at least see that he is there and may need help." Finally, a mother, with a short brown bob haircut, tan shorts, and a white floral blouse, and her daughter (about 3 years old), who looked like a miniature cut out version of the mother, went walking right past him. The mom seemed to notice the man only because her young daughter had lagged a little behind and she was concerned for her daughter's
safety. The daughter on the other hand, seemed to notice that something was wrong with the man and stopped to stare at him. The mother quickly grabbed her daughter's hand and dragged her away, while the daughter continued to look back at the man.

Next, a cute, plump, elderly husband and wife in their 80's walked by, they too, both looked directly at the man and then continued to look as they walked by, with a quick glance back before they entered the store. The man had still remained in the same position. About 10 more people in their 20's, 30's and 40's passed the invisible man.

As I finished the last few bites of my burrito, I thought, "Why was the man only visible to the young and the elderly?" Were they the only one's that were not too busy to see another person who may be hurting? How had my generation become so insensitive and self absorbed that they could not even SEE someone who may need them?

I got out of my car, and headed towards the man. I stopped and said, "Is everything okay? Do you need some help?" He looked up from the wall, smiled a toothless grin and said, "I'm just trying to figure a few things out on this cell phone, but thanks anyways." I said, "Good luck, they can be a little tricky in the beginning, have a great day!" He said, "You got that right, thank you, you too!" He seemed so happy that someone had spoken to him. He continued to smile as I headed into the store.

The invisible man did not need my help today, but what if he had? Did it take a lot of effort on my part to look at him and see if he needed some assistance? I hope that we can be like the young children and the elderly....that we will be able to SEE someone directly in our path. You may be the one person who can brighten that persons whole day. It requires only a little effort, concern, and time....but the rewards you will receive from a simple smile on a sad, tired, broken face, is amazing! Go out and notice the invisible men and women standing right in front of you!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

My Son Blames Me!

My son Josh, who recently got a DUI, finally contacted me last Thursday and I picked him up at his friends house (they took his license when he was arrested). I was so excited to hear from him! We went and got lunch then he came back to the house. We hung out and talked, he seemed more like his old self. He walked across the street to the grocery store with me, had dinner with the family and even the little kids said, "Wow, Josh talked alot!" Which is unusual, because he never talks to any of us...it's like pulling teeth just to have a conversation.

Today he said he was coming over for dinner, I got really excited again. While I was cooking I asked him if he wanted me to go to court with him on May 28th? He said, "NO, you've babied me my whole life and I'm 19 now and having to learn everything because you never taught me!" I said, "What are you talking about? I taught you how to do your own laundry, showed you how important it is to never give up and always finish what you start. We went and opened a bank account, I tried to teach you how to save, write checks, balance your checkbook, helped you find and purchase a car, showed you how to put gas in it. Taught you right from wrong, and ALWAYS punished you when you made bad choices". He just repeated how much I babied him and now he is having to learn the hard way!

I can tell you right now this statement is coming from his father, (the same guy who has NEVER been a part of his life until he was 18, never paid child support until he turned 16 and then it was whatever he felt like paying, after I spent a week and a half begging for the money). My son spent years crying himself to sleep, while I comforted him because his dad wanted nothing to do with him.

I felt like crying right in the kitchen...it's so hard when you have busted your butt your whole life to make sure that you were raising your kids right and making sure they never did without and then to be blamed for all their problems...while the person who really has caused the mess, (his father) is now the wonderful parent! My son had no BIG problems until he moved in with his alcoholic father who bought it for him and his friends and then partied with them. He let him do whatever he wanted and was a party buddy, NOT A FATHER.

So the minute he is in trouble...IT'S MY FAULT! Wow, it's amazing....how I am the bad one for loving, caring, guiding and disciplining him. It hurts and I hope someday he will realize how much I sacrificed to give him a good, stable, and loving upbringing...I need to go and cry now, thanks for listening, needed to get it all out.