Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Just Needing To Vent

This week's been really challenging for me. My dad isn't doing well. They haven't given him much time left, but he continues to fight. The cancer has taken his strength, stamina, and ability to perform everyday normal activities, but it can't take his incredible spirit and will. What he's had to endure is beyond anything I can imagine. But he never complains & when he was able, he always approached each day looking to do something for others, ignoring what his own struggles were. Unfortunately he's bed ridden now and I'm unable to be in Utah to help. It's tearing me up.
To multiply things, my oldest son has been going through some difficult times recently. Things that as a mom you wish you could step in and fix, but I can't. It's learning lessons, things he has to do on his own, I can't rescue him. It hurts my heart to see him going through so much right now. But I know I can't save my kids from every life learning lesson, they have to go through the tough times, just like I did. It's just hard to sit back and watch, especially with my emotions so raw right now, I feel like crying at the drop of a hat (which is not like me...I rarely break down.) 

Each day I make sure to do my scripture study & pray before I leave the house, which is the only thing that's keeping me from completely losing it, knowing I'm not alone, that my Heavenly Father cares & is with me through all of this.

 I just needed to let it out tonight. I know how caring and supportive you all are, so thanks for letting me vent.


Dixie Mom said...

I'm sorry Lisa. Keep up what you're doing and it will help.

Lucy said...

I am so sorry. I have been through the whole thing myself, my oldest son, cancer with mom and my sister. Life can be very hard and I don'rt know about you, but it shook my faith. You will make it through this, with your faith in tact but there will be times when you honestly don't know if you can go on. But you will make it through. Bless you Lisa.

DUTA said...

It seems to me that under the circumstances, you've got the right attitude. You know you cannot rescue neither your Dad nor your son , so you do the only thing you can do - pray.
There's a good chance your praying might help.

Lucy said...

I hope you are feeling a little more stable now. There is a time during trying time's when you just feel like you can not deal with it any more. Lisa, God will not desert you during this trying time. As for our kids, somehow they make it through. My oldest went through some some problems emotionally and made it ok. Then 5 years later was struck with the most unforgiving form of MS. He chose to go on hospice, after 7 years of being unable to control his body. No remission for 7 years. I had to let go.