This week's been really challenging for me. My dad isn't doing well. They haven't given him much time left, but he continues to fight. The cancer has taken his strength, stamina, and ability to perform everyday normal activities, but it can't take his incredible spirit and will. What he's had to endure is beyond anything I can imagine. But he never complains & when he was able, he always approached each day looking to do something for others, ignoring what his own struggles were. Unfortunately he's bed ridden now and I'm unable to be in Utah to help. It's tearing me up.
To multiply things, my oldest son has been going through some difficult times recently. Things that as a mom you wish you could step in and fix, but I can't. It's learning lessons, things he has to do on his own, I can't rescue him. It hurts my heart to see him going through so much right now. But I know I can't save my kids from every life learning lesson, they have to go through the tough times, just like I did. It's just hard to sit back and watch, especially with my emotions so raw right now, I feel like crying at the drop of a hat (which is not like me...I rarely break down.)
Each day I make sure to do my scripture study & pray before I leave the house, which is the only thing that's keeping me from completely losing it, knowing I'm not alone, that my Heavenly Father cares & is with me through all of this.
I just needed to let it out tonight. I know how caring and supportive you all are, so thanks for letting me vent.