Thursday, November 5, 2009

I GOT DISSED?

We had our dinner night last night. It went better than I expected, however I did get a little bit of a cold shoulder from someone who I have been friends with for about 9 years. She just wasn't herself with me. I guess I could feel it so I just didn't make an effort either. That's what I tend to do...just ignore, stand behind the safety of my carefully built wall. It has served to protect me from years of hurt. It's definitely served its purpose, however lately I've been praying for help to tear it down. I've really wanted to open myself up to people other than those whom I feel safe with.

I felt like I was having a break through and really stepping outside of my comfort zone, until all of this. Of course I run right back behind it and shut down. I put on my tough girl image, the one that says, "I don't care if you don't like me! You don't matter to me anymore either." I've closed the door on several friendships after incidents like this.

At the Freshman game today, which we WON (34-6), she did it again. I tried to say Hi twice. She just looked at me and didn't say anything. I thought, "Ok...I'm done trying. If you're going to be like that I can easily be done too (my wall growing thicker with each incident).

Then just as the games ending, she asks me a question, like nothing's wrong. Now I'm thinking what is up? Did she just not see me the two times I walked right in front of her and waved? Am I reading into it because I'm expecting this. I don't know...it's just too much! I don't want to deal with this high school drama at my age!

Just when I'm really ready to tear down my walls...something scares me and back I go to my safe distant place!

9 comments:

Sarah said...

The only reason I advocate for saying something is that too many times a person hears something, which is an untruth or lie, and doesn't think to ask, they just react. If it is a friendship you truly care about, always ask. Most times it's probably nothing and the times it IS something, at least you were the mature one and attempted to talk about it :)

gaelikaa said...

Hey, I don't get this! She snubbed you twice then acted like nothing happened? Ok. Do this. Act like nothing happened. For now. But keep your eye on this girl. Seems like she's trying to manipulate you in some sick way. Because, Lisa, generally, our instincts never lie.

Have a great weekend!

StacyB said...

Take the higher road, Lis. You've gotten amazingly good at it, and you are the better person. I know your wall very well, but with your faith and love of the Lord you have have been making that wall thinner. I love you.

KC Mom said...

Tell your friend to save her drama for her mama.
J/K...that probably won't work well. Cranky women suck.
I don't have any good advice because if it were me, up would go the wall! Be patient...it will go away eventually.

Anonymous said...

People can be so weighted down with worry about something they can be in a dreamlike state, totally focused on the worry and not the people or the world around them. I know, this happened to me for about 3 days.

jennster said...

ugh.. i hate drama. and i don't know- did she see you? you should have asked... like "i said hi to you twice earlier.. did you hear me??" lol

Kimmy said...

You sound just. like. me! I'm the same exact way. It's horrible feeling like this too. I hope things work out for you with this. And yes, it IS too much drama, huh?!

MelRoXx said...

I hate people like that!

Kim said...

I feel you. I tend to react the exact same way. I react to protect myself. Sometimes by the time that I've calmed down and taken a step back it's too late to undo the damage that my reaction has done. If only there was a guide book for things like this! Keep trying to tear down those walls! :)