Thursday, January 14, 2010

Closing Chapters

I received the news that I was waiting for mid afternoon on Tuesday. I have to admit that it wasn't a shock, I was expecting it. It did however signal finality, closure to a long ordeal that I had prolonged forever.

I'd imagined this moment for years...how happy and free I would feel. The burdens would be lifted, I would be okay again. However, something was different. I was relieved that it was done and I was happy for myself and my family. But I sat alone trying to pinpoint why I wasn't ecstatic. This is the final chapter of a LONG story. I should have been going crazy with the excitement of being DONE. You see, this "thing" that I've been dealing with was also going to cause hurt for someone else.

Over the years and during my many struggles as a single mom, and dealing with the pain of my first husband cheating on me, I've learned to have empathy for others. I constantly put myself in their shoes. My moment of joy was no longer complete...I knew that someone was seriously hurt and I felt bad for them. It wasn't something done intentionally, it was the unfortunate residual fall out of this "thing."

I wish I could help them feel better. Let them know that I'm sorry they are hurting and that time & God heals all pain. These aren't just words, I know this because of all that I've been through and the change that's occurred in my life.

As I write this final closing chapter, so many emotions are racing inside of me. I hope that through the joy, pain, sorrow and new beginnings, everyone will emerge stronger, and closer as new relationships begin to form.

GOODBYE OLD BURDENS
By: Lisa Petrarca

Goodbye to my burdens & pain
I've carried you around with nothing to gain.
You've broken me down
Pinning my soul to the ground
While I was unable to make a sound

Wanting to cry out with shame
With no one but myself to blame
Holding it deep inside
Running fast to push it aside
Waiting for the day that I could confide

Goodbye to my burdens & pain
I can now start to explain
Peace of mind I will finally obtain
No longer will I be held by this chain
A new beginning I will now attain

GOODBYE TO MY BURDENS & PAIN

4 comments:

Yaya said...

(((Hugs)))

Crystal Escobar said...

Love that poem!
I just came across your blog somehow, just wanting to connect with others :)
www.balancedmoms.blogspot.com

StacyB said...

Lis,
What a loving note and sincerely beautiful poem. You have done your very best. This is not only closure but a brand new beginning.
I love you, my sister...the person you were and the person you are now.

Phivos Nicolaides said...

Closing chapters and accounts and opening new pages in your life Lisa. You must feel happy and free now after the LONG story (leaving us to imagine). It’s great that you have learned to have empathy for others. This is not an easy job!
I’m sure that all of what you have been through in your life, gave the opportunity to you, to be even a better person and personality. So, stop warring and start living with your wonderful family, the way you know now better. Hugs.