The REAL World's Kickin My Butt!

(searching to notice more of these lifetime moment)

I'm exhausted! My boss's friend needed help at her office last week and all of next week. After my recent $800.00 car repair bill, I needed the extra money so I said I'd do it. But with my insomnia & working a FULL day between the two jobs, I'm WIPED OUT! I got home from work & took a 3 hour nap until 8:00 pm & then couldn't sleep all night. 

I'll admit it...I'm spoiled, with my normal 6 hour work days & Monday's off. I have a whole new appreciation for my schedule! 

Being a single mother for years, I worked full time and never thought anything of it...just did what I had to do. But now that I'm doing it again, "I yigh yigh!"

Funny how we take our life, situation, health, family, etc. for granted until it's taken away. My new motto, 
"BE THANKFUL!"

(seeking to enjoy all that's going on around me)

I'm A Hazard To Myself

HELP...I'm scared my "accidents" may be starting to re-appear. This morning I was rushing around getting ready for work, trying to do several things while curling my hair. I pulled a long strand of hair, attached the curling iron and was getting ready to roll it when I had a "short circuit". For some unknown reason I reached my left hand over the top of the curling iron to grab more hair...the inside of my wrist hit the top of the curling iron and stuck to it for a few seconds. OMG...I burned the crap out of my arm!

I put the curling iron down, ran cold water over it and then thought, "WHAT WERE YOU DOING?" I have no answer...just a plain brain fart! I probably can blame it on the insomnia, by Friday I'm a zombie, 4-5 hrs. sleep a night takes its toll.

First my foot, which is still sore...I need to get it checked again, the bone is sticking up on the top of my foot. I think they might have missed the fracture, now this burn. I'm not ready to go through this again. I need a padded room with all electronics, doors, water etc. removed. Maybe then I'll be safe!

Wish me luck trying to make it through the rest of the weekend injury free.

Time Change

Monday's are always hard, but today I could barely keep my eyes open. The time change has stolen an hour away from me that I'll never get back! I want it, I need it...I have insomnia and every minute is needed to help me make it through the day.

This morning when my alarm went off, it was still dark outside. Who gets up and goes to work when it's still DARK OUT? Oh yeah...ME! I have to admit that I love when it's summer and it stays light late, but getting used to this is hard.

My kids even looked like little zombies when I picked them up from school today. Hopefully it's a little easier tomorrow.

Sleep Deprivation-Am I A Moron?

I'm back to my insomnia thing again! I have been getting in bed at around 2:30 a.m. It's now Thursday and I feel like a zombie, airhead, spacy girl. I can't believe how stupid the lack of sleep can make you feel. Here's a little example of my work day yesterday and today~

Boss- "Lisa, I need you to find a lease and appraisal report for the 1091BeRe job."
Me- "Okay...no problem." I start looking at all the boxes that are neatly labeled to find the right one. Looking...looking...maybe it's in the extra office. Hmmm...looking...looking, nope. I'll check the bosses office, behind their desks, under their desks, nothing. Now, I KNOW that I had boxed it up a while ago and had even seen it sitting around. Marsha, the office manager starts helping me look too. She double checks all the same places and nothing.

Whew...I was hoping that in my dazed condition that it wasn't just me. So I tell my boss that we can't find it. He gets mad and tells me and Marsha that it has to be somewhere! He wants one of us to go over to the storage unit in the morning to look for it. Marsha thought that he had actually taken the box (he does that sometimes), and asked him to check his car and house for it.

Today, Marsha met him over at the unit and they started re-organizing and getting stuff ready for shredding while they were looking for the missing box. I stayed at the office to label all the year end stuff. I went into the room that we had checked yesterday, and there it was, plain as day. What the heck? I am absolutely positive that it wasn't there yesterday!

I quickly walk over to the phone, pick it up...thinking, here goes, now I get to look like a complete MORON. Marsha answers and I shout, "UH GUESS WHAT? The box is here. I don't know how we could've missed it, it's in huge bold letters and the other boxes aren't!" She yells to my boss to let him know. She said, "He said he wants you to pee in a cup when he gets back." No he wasn't serious, but that's his way of saying...hey dummy!

Now here's the thing...in my present sleep deprived condition, I know "maybe" I could have missed it, but the 46 font Bold lettering makes it highly doubtful. But, Marsha double checking also makes me go HMMMMMM, how did the box magically appear? When she got back she thought the same thing..."He found it and put it in there and didn't want to tell us."

On Thursday's I leave work at 1:00pm and he hadn't gotten back into the office before I left. Let's just say I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow! He is going to be making comments all day to try and make me feel stupid. It sucks not being able to say, "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID AND I WANT YOU TO PEE IN A CUP!"

WHAT THE ????

I woke up late AGAIN...which means the usual mad morning rush, trying to get my bible study in (definitely helps me get through the day). A few little floor mat exercises, leg lifts, sit ups, more leg and butt stuff, finished by a few stretches for my CONSTANT neck pain. This is how I justify not going to the gym. Then I wonder why I'm getting so jiggly...but do I ever make time for the gym...nooooo, I'd rather complain and keep doing what I'm doing.

Slap on some make-up, throw my hair in a pony, put on an outfit...nope, I look fat, toss it on the chair piled with the mound of outfits that have also been discarded this week. Grab the famous stand by outfit (hmmm, did I wear this already this week, I don't think so, it'll have to do.) I grab a quick bowl of instant oatmeal, scarf it down, start to run out the door with the bowl, oops back upstairs, throw it in the sink. Whew...finally out the door, (bare with me I WILL get to the main point of the story).

I attach the phone ear piece, did I mention I HATE THIS THING! We couldn't afford the fancy wireless ones, so my husband got the kind with the cord that you clip to your collar and NO ONE can hear me so I drive holding the mouth piece close to my mouth, yelling (wait, I could be holding my phone instead...I hate this new Hands Free Law). Driving along in silence, dodeedodeedo, I wish I was home, I need a vacation, I'm driving too fast...remember DRIVE SLOW save gas, what do I need to do today after work, cancel Josh's gym membership, pay credit card...yay, no games, I'm going to take a nap (my radio broke, thus the silence, but my head keeps going nonstop).

I pull up to a light a couple of blocks from work and something catches my eye. I look over into the black, shiny, freshly waxed, brand new black Lexus...WHAT THE ????

There they were, glowing in the darkened window of the car, red, green, and yellow, two of them perfectly perched on each finger of the driver. Two LARGE parrots, sitting happily on the guys two first fingers. He was talking away, don't know if it was to the birds or if he had a wireless earpiece in his ear, but he was blabbing away, very animated. I just kept staring, is this for real or has my insomnia finally pushed me over the deep end? I felt like I should rub my eyes, wipe my glasses and look again. He looked over, feeling my stare, gave a look like, "What are you staring at?" The light changed, he put both hands on the steering wheel with his first two fingers pointed straight out like guns, the birds happily looking out the window, off he drove in his business shirt and tie and his two companions...just another day at the office in Newport Beach, CA. Can you say E C C E N T R I C?

Message to self: MUST GET MORE SLEEP!!!

INSOMNIA...

I can't take it anymore...I have had SEVERE insomnia for about 4 weeks now. I always have bouts of it here and there, but this is getting ridiculous. I am running on about 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night, yes, it's definitely stress related, but I can't shut my brain off, I just lay there and think, think, think. I tried melatonin, two different natural sleep aids, and Tylenol P.M. (can't function the next day.) I feel like a sloppy, drunk person trying to focus, drive and function during the day. I have to spend extra time checking and re-checking myself at work to make sure I'm not making any stupid mistakes.





We are in a scary situation right now and I've been trying to have faith, hope, trust and praying that the Lord will see us through this tough time...so here it is, I'm hoping that if I let it out, maybe I will be able to sleep and completely release it and put it in God's hands. We are very close to a foreclosure. If we can't come up with a house payment by the 30th, we will be 3 months behind...and they will start the foreclosure process. I've been keeping it all in and trying to not think about it, but obviously my subconscious is working overtime. My poor husband has been working 7 days a week, overtime and side jobs...but it is just never enough. I've been doing my side job and trying to put in extra hours at work too. I try and put it all in perspective, other people have it so much worse, but I am just sooo scared.

I have waited my whole life to own a home (I was a broke single mom for years), when my dream finally came true at the age of 36...I was an ecstatic and grateful homeowner! A fantasy wish that finally came true!! Now here I sit waiting and wondering about my families future. Never imagining that we would be in this situation, I thought my many years of struggling were over. Now, inching ever closer to the 30th, praying, waiting, hoping and trusting for a miracle.

I hope that this will relieve some of this bottled up stress, it's so embarrassing, but this is my reality...my dream may be coming to an end. Four days till my families fate...will we be able to come up with a payment, I don't know, please remember us in your prayers.

I've been reading this scripture A LOT!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6