Monday, September 15, 2008

WHY DO I GO TO THAT PLACE!

I'm not sure if any of you find yourselves visiting THAT PLACE? I tend to stop by on special occassions. This weekend was one of those little visits...it was quite a bit shorter than my usual stops. In my younger days the visits would be quite often and a lot longer. I was very good at sneaking around once I was there, trying to avoid the inevitable...staying for WAY too long!

Now that I've gotten a little older, I've figure out when I start to get nervous, anxious or edgy...it's time to grab hold of myself...AND LEAVE IMMEDIATELY! I HATE THAT PLACE!! Well on Sunday while I was getting ready, I felt it start to come on. I pushed the feelings aside and decided to prepare a little before I left so I would be ready. I read and tried to figure out as much information as I could, preparation helps a little.

I grabbed my camera said a little prayer and headed out the door. My initial instinct was to avoid THAT PLACE...I was doing really good, relaxed somewhat prepared...closer and closer, almost there and feeling pretty good. Picked up my husband, we started talking and then it started! I began to get edgy, everything he was saying was bugging me. He was a little startled at my demeanor and said in his gruff Italian, East Coast way, "What's the matter with you?" "Oh be quiet...you're BUGGING ME! I shot back. "WHATEVER...you were fine and now you're out of control," he replied, continuing to stir the pot.

Yep, this is pretty typical for us, when one of us starts...IT'S ON!LOL! We are both feisty, strong willed and hate to be wrong. It's nice to meet your match though, we both tend to be overbearing so it's fun to spar...that's what we like to call it. We've been married for 8 years and together for 10 so I guess it works for us.

Reaching our final destination only intensified the feelings. I need everything to be PERFECT...there it is, I've arrived at that dreaded place...MY SELF DOUBT! I just want it to go away! It's better but still lingers when I want everything to go right. I am the official church photographer...which I LOVE and feel such a sense of satisfaction. But today was baptism day...they were doing it at the beach and wanted great pictures to send with their baptism certificates. I feel pretty confident with my action and spur of the moment shots. But this is a VERY special day! I would be up against direct sunlight...which always makes the subject look dark.

I was hoping there would be a back up camera just in case mine didn't turn out, but there wasn't. I got to the beach and started taking test shots to get it right before the big event. I think they came out okay (could be better, but I'll keep working at it). But why do I have to go THERE all the time? I hate that I am such a perfectionist...it makes me doubt myself constantly...I even start to make excuses and tell people before I get started...just in case it's not good. WHY DO I GO THERE?

You can check them out...http://www.flickr.com/photos/fastframe/sets/72157607325474369/
Hit Slideshow (top right) watch it and only leave a comment if you have something nice to say...I've stressed myself out enough!LOL!

9 comments:

WheresMyAngels said...

It is funny cause one of my staff whom is also a good friend of mine, states that I can NEVER take a compliment and am always being negative about something she and others think I do well. I can be a perfectionist at somethings and other things, I am so not. But on the things I am, I get very upset and want things perfect.

Lisa Petrarca said...

That sounds JUST like me...some things that do not interest me, I could care less about. It's only the couple of things like photography and writing that gets me all bunched up.

Heather said...

Ah yes. I'm such a perfectionist about certain things, like my handwriting. My teachers used to think I had a learning disability because I wrote so slow. I just wanted it to be perfect. Crazy. Baptism on the beach sounds beautiful, though. I bet the pictures are amazing!

Hey, can you email me at sitsgirls@gmail.com? I have an important SITS question for you. :o)

~Trish~ said...

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Tinabean said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog today.
I think a lot of women have this problem.
We are way to hard on ourselves & I think we expect way more out of ourselves than others really do.
I'm sure you did a fantastic job & the pictures were beautiful.

Marla said...

You should be very proud of yourself you did a great job on the photos.

Britt said...

Oh, I go there often too .. and I don't like it. And my husband and I have those little 'exchanges' often as well! I'm pig-headed and he's an Italian, and I agree it's a volatile combination! :o) But a combination I couldn't live without.

Your pictures were great! I could feel the celebration and pride on all those faces .. you did a great job capturing the moments. Just lovely.

The Treffeisens said...

Girl - amazing pictures. Tell "Self Doubt" to go away and stay away. You do not need him here!

Rela Pantaleon-Manigsaca said...

those are great photos! I agree with the treffeisens - shoo "self-doubt"!!!